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[Mar. 15th, 2006|10:21 pm] |
Ac-tu-ar-y (n.): a person who compiles and analyzes statistics and uses them to calculate insurance risks and premiumzzzz-zz-z-z-z. Sorry, dozed off there for a second.
The Top 7 Complaints of Actuaries
There's no taste for accounting.
No one knows what kind of exciting, thrill-packed, on-the-edge kinds of lives we lead. (FYI: 9.31 percent exciting, 3.55 percent thrill-packed and 2.90 percent on-the-edge.)
Catastrophic pocket protector blowouts.
First, Vermont. Then, Massachusetts. Now, Connecticut. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with life expectancy tables for same-sex couples?
Endless internal struggle on whether to include yourself in the numbers.
Reading "Cinderella" at bedtime, you know "happily ever after" means Prince Charming has a 0.7 percent probability of dying of undiagnosed pancreatic cancer.
Knowing when and how I'm gonna die just takes all the mystery out of it!
To escape boredom, they calculate the odds of girls finding them interesting, every Friday and Saturday night. |
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