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[Jan. 18th, 2008|08:03 am] |
People are often taken aback when I, a man, describe myself as having a girlish figure. Hey, with my man-boobs and huge belly, I look just like my eight-months pregnant neighbor.
Mark Spence
I don't fit in with either political party. I can't be a Democrat because I like to keep the money I make, but I can't be a Republican because I like to spend that money on drugs.
Conor Regan
The Top Worst Fan Club Perks
- Rolling Stones: Front-of-the-line privileges at the Geritol tent.
- Wayne Newton: Autographed 8x10 of his enlarged prostate.
- Lindsay Lohan: You get to go clubbing with Lindsay and hold her personal stash in YOUR pocket!
- Michael Jackson: Invitation to the Official Jacko Friday Nite Funtime Kidz-Only Sleepover and Pajama Party!
- Paris Hilton: Paris Hilton.
- Vladimir Putin: You get to donate as much money as he wants you to and you get to vote as many times as he tells you.
- Hamas: Free custom belt and vest to first 1000 members.
- Katie Holmes: You get to help her expand her escape tunnel with your mom's own best serving spoon.
- Yoko Ono: The singing-Yoko car alarm.
- Britney Spears: As her designated underwear wrangler, you get to carry spares in case Kevin sends a court-appointed Panty Inspector around.
- Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris Fan Club members never need dental work. Chuck Norris just shows up and kicks the problem teeth out of your mouth.
- Amy Winehouse: Anything that falls out of her nose, you can keep.
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