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[Aug. 23rd, 2007|10:07 am] |
The Top Smart Weapons of the Future
- A bomb that can cause its intended target to spontaneously combust, saving it the trouble.
- It'll be just like Star Trek: sidearm energy weapons that can be set to vaporize, kill, stun, heat an MRE or sterilize a toilet seat.
- A device on your phone that when a telemarketer calls, will cause the telemarketer's phone to explode.
- A rocket propelled grenade that understands Chinese algebra
- Bullets that seek out higher-ranking personnel first.
- A land mine that will not blow up if the boot on top of it is made in America.
- Rockets that explode quietly so as not to wake the nearby civilians.
- It's a pulse weapon, with built-in GPS, and a defibrillator, and a web browser....
The Top 9 Warnings On the Breast Implant Label
- "Have been shown to cause high blood pressure, loss of mental faculties, and increased levels of infidelity in men."
- "Reduces perceived IQ by 30 points."
- "Implants may affect vision. You will no longer be able to see your feet and men will no longer be able to see your face."
- "An increase in bedsores has been associated with the use of implants."
- "Jogging with implants larger than 38D increases the risk of blunt force trauma."
- "When used in combination with alcohol, may increase the risk of pregnancy."
- "Can cause irrational choices in pierced and tattooed partners."
- "Can result in an acting career that results only in low-quality, straight-to-video product with roles no better than "Bikini Hot Tub Chick #3"."
- "Bigger boobs attract bigger boobs."
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