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[Mar. 21st, 2007|02:56 pm] |
Every time I download my e-mail and see messages that say things like "old bitties getting nailed!" and "high school hotties getting it on," it makes me want to scream! It sucks enough that I'm getting any, but people I don't even know sending me gloating e-mails is just way over the top!
Michelle Argabrite
What is the proper way to refer to a transvestite? "He" doesn't seem appropriate; "she" seems misleading. "It" is dehumanizing, "tranny" is derogatory and "transgender" is awkward. I guess I'll just stick with "dad."
Douglas Frank
The Top Signs a Bartender's Gone Crazy
- Serves drinks on actual rocks, with actual umbrellas.
- He keeps putting cherry-and-pineapple spears in the draught beer to "fancy it up."
- His "cocktail shaker" has a bendy straw and pictures of Cookie Monster on it.
- She used to use the gun behind the bar for protection. Now she uses it to kill anyone who orders a drink with more than two ingredients.
- Doesn't *ask* if you want fries with that, she just drops a couple right in your drink.
- Swirls each shot in her mouth "just to warm it up a bit."
- While preparing your martini, he puts the shaker down his pants and does the Macarena.
- When you start complaining about your life, he leans in and says "Tell me more!"
- The Bloody Mary you ordered is starting to clot.
- She's invented her own drink and calls it the Sex in a Port-o-Can.
- He's replaced his glass eye with a green olive.
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