| |
[Oct. 28th, 2010|07:36 pm] |
У каждого, свой размер, шкуры неубитого медведя.
Профессионализм - минимум движений при полной отдаче...
Все делают ошибки, только мудрецы - новые, а дураки - старые.
Хотите ввести полуспящего человека в бесконечный цикл? Накройте его треугольным одеялом.
Интересно, почему во всех детских поликлиниках висят плакаты с Айболитом? Он же ветеринар!
Пытливому уму, чтобы начать читать «Инструкцию по эксплуатации» агрегата, надо его поломать.
Брак - это союз двух людей, одному из которых нужно только одно, а другому вообще непонятно что.
Летом у нас глобальное потепление, зимой ледниковый период, а по октябрям мы коллайдер запускаем.
Для русского человека неудача - это только повод выпить, а удача - это еще и возможность хорошо закусить.
В любом разговоре не так важно поймать его нить, как важно не пойматься на развешенные по этой нити крючки.
4 кандидата и только один пост мэра Москвы... Смотрите "Кто хочет стать миллиардером?" на всех телеканалах России!
Человеку не дано постичь три вещи. Бога, Вселенную и Советских Инженеров, которые придумали стену через которую всё, б**ть, слышно, но гвоздь в нее забить невозможно!!!
( ... tālāk ... ) |
|
|
| |
[Oct. 28th, 2010|07:37 pm] |
There's no "i" in "team," but there would be if Apple made them.
It was a pretty fun reunion until someone said, "You mean all this time you thought you'd GRADUATED?"
I think it would be hilarious if I were ever a victim of identity theft. Hope you like being a loser, Mr. Fancypants Computer Hacker.
Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast iron frying pan in my hand I have an overwhelming urge to clobber some man over the head with it.
If my doctors have given me just three months to live, is there really any point in continuing to floss?
Imagine my chagrin after I spent thousands of dollars on psychoanalysis to discover that the roots of my mental demons were suppressed memories of old "Scooby Doo" Halloween episodes.
( ... tālāk ... ) |
|
|
| |
[Oct. 28th, 2010|09:34 pm] |
No @5tevenw twiterī:
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Which means I have fifteen hours to do six months of flossing.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A quick tweet about something off the top of my head . . . . Dandruff.
NEWS UPDATE: Police arrest pervert who stole over 1000 bras by setting up a boobie trap.
Vodka & Prozac are the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was.
Twitter is like a sauna: we are all in the same space, we show everything, but are not really looking at each other.
I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
NEWS UPDATE: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
NEWS: The clone of a cheetah was murdered last night in the local zoo - Police are hunting a copycat killer!
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain
I have a massive walk-in closet. Some may call it the bedroom floor.
Describe myself in 4 words - - Bad at counting.
I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!
Psychotherapist = Psycho - the - Rapist, hmmm!!
My ex was temperamental. 50% temper and 50% mental.
I'm not a bad driver, I just like giving the gift of near-death experiences.
Nothing is impossible and I'm doing nothing - So I'm doing the impossible.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7. He said "I still love Vista, baby".
A true friend is someone who says nice things behind your back
How do you tickle a rich girl? Say "Gucci Gucci Gucci!" |
|
|