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[Jul. 25th, 2008|05:45 am] |
Замечено: если машину заправляет мужчина - он в большинстве случаев перед вытаскиванием шланга из бака стряхивает пистолет...
В седьмой книге Гарри Поттер спас стока народу и наполучал стока пиздюлей, что в фильме его полюбому будет играть Брюс Уиллис...
Достаточно назваться каким-нибудь Сян-цзы, и уже все любители мудростей принимают твои фразы за афоризмы древних китайских мудрецов. А ты еще даже не умер.
(Сян-цзы)
Выгодно уметь обрабатывать шайбу.
Еще выгоднее уметь обрабатывать мяч.
Но самое выгодное уметь обрабатывать людей.
И совершенно не выгодно уметь обрабатывать поля.
- Помню, в юности, бывало, ведро пива как нефиг делать выпивал, а теперь вот только полведра могу...
- Что, здоровье совсем слабое стало?
- Не, морда дальше не пролазит!
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Jul. 25th, 2008|06:15 pm] |
Many people think summer school is just for kids, and I have to say, most of the other people in my crafts class are kids. But guess who reigns supreme with the longest macaroni necklace? Oh, yeahhhh.
BigDogDano
Two of the most difficult subjects parents can broach with their children are death and sexuality. So when I candidly told my son about masturbation, I explained that it was okay and natural. I also reminded him that if he did it, all his dead relatives in heaven would be watching.
Brad Simanek
My wife is crazy with forgetfulness. I found about a dozen condoms in her suitcase, so she even forgot that I'm not coming on this trip! What a not-remembering nut she is!
Jim Rosenberg
The Top Differences in a World Without Men
- For tax purposes, vibrators are considered dependents.
- As far as the eye can see: unopened jars.
- Millennia-old arts of power-burping and fart-lighting are lost forever.
- ESPN now stands for the Estrogen, Salad and Potpourri Network.
- "How's it hangin'?" replaced by "How's it secretin'?"
- High heels only worn to reach things on the top shelf.
- Trailer-hitch testicles on redneck trucks replaced with grill-mounted Truck Tits (tm).
- Martha Stewart accepts presidential administration post as Secretary of Everything.
- Women all over the world have no need for clothing as they live life to its sleek, airy, unencumbered, sun-bronzed, bouncy, pillow-fighting, perspiration-glistening-- uh, 'scuse me a minute...
- More monkeys as pets, as women occasionally long for the good old days.
- Oprah seizes global power with a bloody victory over Tyra.
- Gitmo filled with supermodels who are being indefinitely detained but have yet to be charged with an actual crime.
- Bill of Rights Amendment #1: Toilet seats shall be permanently glued down.
- Batteries in TV remote controls seem to last an eternity.
No TopFive.com |
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