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[May. 8th, 2008|12:06 pm] |
When I turned 40, I decided to clean up my act and gave up drinking and smoking. Man, it was tough -- there's no way I'd have gotten through that period without my heroin.
Kevin Freels
I look to nature to find which diets actually work. I suggest the squirrel diet, because you almost never see a fat squirrel. It's easy: Just lose 99 percent of the food you hid around the house.
Carolyn Mansager
Over the weekend, my computer was infected by a virus -- the one where, when you open it, it drinks all the beer in your fridge and gets all sleazy with your woman. No, wait... never mind. That was me.
Andy Pierson
The Top Differences If It Were Called "Put Your Children to Work Day"
- Downside: Countless important documents shredded. Upside: Party committee stocked with confetti through fiscal year 2010.
- The CEO installs a Board of Directors consisting of a stuffed bunny, his blanket and a toy Buzz Lightyear.( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Military "Sillogisms"
- IF you're in port, AND you've never been here before, THEN it's time to get drunk and raise hell.
- IF the draft is put back on the table, AND it's widely unpopular, THEN Canada's population will increase.( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs Your Medical Journal Uses Ghostwriters
- "It was a dark and stormy night in the lab..."
- The lead author listed by the New England Journal of Medicine for the study? Stephen King.( ... tālāk ... ) |
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