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[Mar. 18th, 2008|07:52 am] |
Всему, что я знаю, я обязан моей маме.
1. Мама учила меня УВАЖАТЬ ЧУЖОЙ ТРУД: "Если вы собрались поубивать друг друга, то идите на улицу - я только что полы вымыла!"
2. Мама учила меня ВЕРИТЬ В БОГА: "Молись, чтобы эта гадость отстиралась!"
3. Мама учила меня МЫСЛИТЬ ЛОГИЧНО: "Потому что я так сказала, вот почему!"
4. Мама учила меня ДУМАТЬ О ПОСЛЕДСТВИЯХ: "Вот вывалишься сейчас из окна - не возьму тебя с собой в магазин!"
5. Мама объяснила мне ПРИЧИННО-СЛЕДСТВЕННЫЕ СВЯЗИ: "Если ты сейчас же не перестанешь реветь - я тебя отшлепаю!"
6. Мама учила меня ПРЕОДОЛЕВАТЬ НЕВОЗМОЖНОЕ: "Закрой рот и ешь суп!"
- Дорогой, у тебя есть мечта?
- Была.
- А теперь?
- А теперь у меня есть ты.
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Mar. 18th, 2008|09:03 am] |
The Top Useless Features in Windows Vista
- "Kitchen sink water flow rate" accessory.
- The ability to cast your vote against the Yahoo/Microsoft merger.
- linuxsux001.dll through linuxsux999.dll in C:\Windows\subliminal.
- 1,800 wallpaper images for customizing your BSOD.
- "Warning: No Errors Have Occurred. (A)bort? (R)etry? (C)ancel?"
- Everything but Minesweeper, 'cause man, that game *rocks*!
- Y2K protection.
- The service that uses 4GB of RAM to warn you when you're running out of memory.
- The Steve Ballmer "scream-saver."
No TopFive.com |
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[Mar. 18th, 2008|09:41 am] |
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
Joan Klempner
You are remembered for the rules you break.
Douglas MacArthur
In light of a recent court decision allowing medical clinics to accept credit cards for their services, several sexual dysfunction clinics have announced that they will now accept major credit cards as payment for counseling services. They include:
- The Clinic for Treatment of Voyeurs will take the "Discover" Card
- Those getting treatment at the Bondage and Discipline Clinic can charge to their "Master Card"
- Patients at the Treatment Center for Extramarital Affairs with Foreigners will pay with their "Visa" cards
- The Oral Sex Dysfunction Institute will accept "Diners Club"
- Patients at the Premature Ejaculation Clinic can pay with their "American Express"
- The new Center for the Treatment of Persons who Think they can have Sex with Anyone will take "Carte Blanche"
"We're still trying to find someone to take the Shell Oil card," said a credit card industry spokeswoman. |
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[Mar. 18th, 2008|02:24 pm] |
The second rule of Fight Club is: Don't whistle songs from "The Sound of Music."
Bob Van Voris
One reason I hate having beer around the house is because of the kids. Every few minutes, it's "Are we drunk yet?"
Jerry L. Embry
I would have made a good comedian -- except I hate it when people laugh at me.
Tom Sims
I think a really cool thing for blind people would be talking warning signs. The drawback would be the resulting explosion of the blind population due to a lack of natural predators.
Travis Gray
No TopFive.com |
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[Mar. 18th, 2008|03:16 pm] |
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Spēcīgs kreatīvs, krieviski! Jānospiež "Kak projehaķ", jāpagaida, kamēr aizbrauc dažas mašīnas un bultiņa virs "Centr Kaminov" pārvēršas par rociņu, jāspiež :] |
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