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[Aug. 21st, 2010|02:08 pm] |
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet. So I beat the living snot out of him because I'm lack-toes intolerant.
The librarian at the public library suggested that I could get more information regarding my ancestry if I were to talk to a genealogist about it. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I don't even have a vagina!
It's a good thing people don't use hurtful words like "hunchback," "harelip" and "midget" anymore. The guys have finally stopped teasing me about the girl I took to prom.
The Top Tweets From North Korea
- Just saw "True Grit" again. Thinking of changing my name to Kim Jong-Wayne.
- An old man's ballsack! #ThingsSouthKoreaLooksLike
- National clinic just got Neosporin! Woot!
- Listen up beyotches: life in labor camp for anyone who calls me "Li'l Kim"
- @ChuckNorris, Glorious Leader is lounging in his pajamas waiting to kick your capitalist ass!
The Top Movies About Oral Sex, Part II
- Wyatt Slurped
- The Snowball Express
- The Endless Hummer
- Mouth Hunt
- Swallow Hal
- This Lickable Meat
- How Stella Got Her Diamond Bracelet Back
- Natural Born Fluffers
- An Inconvenient Tooth
You remember in the third grade how selling candy bars for the class picnic was supposed to put "fun" in "fundraising"? Yeah, well it still sucked, didn't it? Here are some put-ins that work... unfortunately.
The Top Unfortunate Put-Ins
- His cooking puts the "turd" in turducken.
- That 13-year old boy sure puts the "pump" in pumpkin.
- That nun really puts the "ho" in "holy".
- Bernie Madoff put the "ram" in "pyramid."
- These waves are seriously about to put the "yak" in "kayaking."
- That interior designer really puts the "wank" in "swanky"!
- Michael Vick puts the "ogre" in "dog rescue."
- Bank CEOs still insist on collecting top-dollar salaries: Putting the "douche" in "fiduciary"
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