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[Apr. 10th, 2010|10:16 am] |
I consider myself fortunate to have been in the recording studio when the producer suggested a remake of "It's a Small World" using the voices of Alvin and the Chipmunks, because I knew of an undetectable place to dispose of his body.
I think I've taken a valuable step forward in my development by learning to forgive myself for the sins I've committed. However, if I catch my kid pulling any of the stuff I've done, he's gonna get the belt!
The Top Signs Your Child Has a Career in Movies
- When someone points a camera at her, she yells "MAKEUP!"
- "Wait, let me try the tantrum again. I wasn't feeling it."
- Can't form a coherent sentence but loves blowing stuff up? The new Michael Bay!
- Pisses and poops all over everything? Future producer!
- Just as you raise your hand to spank them, they yell "Cut!" and call for a stunt double.
- Always asks what their motivation is for taking out the trash.
- Bursts into tears without provocation, insists on having his own way, jumps on furniture. I smell superstardom!
- That little Shapiro kid down the street gets 10% of their allowance.
- Every time she gets off her tricycle, she flashes her diaper.
The Top Answers to Frequently Asked Questions
- Well, for one, they can deliver my package without dragging it through the entire New Friggin' York Sewer System first.
- Because Mommy is tired and doesn't want to clean up all the blood.
- Yes, I'm a virgin. And have been over fifty times.
- It stands for "Frequently Asked Questions."
- Of course I have a better idea. A MONKEY would have a better idea.
- I don't know, go ask your mother.
- Let's see... six bucks... library card... Oh! And a condom left unused from the Hootie and the Blowfish "Cracked Rear View" Tour!
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