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[Apr. 8th, 2010|08:19 am] |
They say any publicity is good publicity, so I guess I shouldn't complain, but I can't help feeling a little insulted. And confused -- I had always thought those "Worst Dressed" lists were limited to famous people.
I came up with a great cardio routine that's action-packed, always different and never gets boring. I call it "Kick a Stranger.
I've started forwarding all the email I get from that Nigerian prince to the pharmaceutical company that sends me email telling me they can enlarge my "maleness." I'm thinking the prince might want to invest some of his $30 million in that sweet deal.
My pet goldfish was sick, so I decided to take him to the vet -- but unfortunately, he died on the way there. I'll bet I didn't put enough air holes in the box.
The Top Signs Your Boss May Be Having Serial Affairs
- Has his secretary cancel his massage with his other secretary.
- He has you send 10 bouquets of roses for Valentine's Day delivered to different addresses.
- On Bring Your Daughter to work day he brought a 36D blonde and showed her how Daddy "does closed door meetings" all day.
- Receives bulk shipments of condoms, Axe body spray and Gatorade to the office.
- The electric passenger seat in his company car has eight bimbo-butt memory settings.
- You found Froot Loop, Cheerios, and Special K box tops in his car. (Whoops, that is a sign he's having *cereal* affairs)
- Has dry-cleaned 18 blue dresses in the past month.
- The IT guy keeps suggesting that he upgrade to parallel affairs to get better throughput.
- The test results came back positive. For EVERYTHING.
- Excuses himself from a meeting to go the restroom, returns three days later with a wrinkled shirt smeared with stripper glitter.
- Has a bowl of condoms next to the mints on his desk.
- When you tell him his blonde girlfriend stopped by, he needs more specifics.
- Cell phone ringtones include "Let's Get It On," "I Want Your Sex," "Me So Horny," and his wife's, which plays "Your Cheatin' Heart."
The Top Features of North Korea's Operating System
- Includes a spell checker, grammar checker, and doctrine checker.
- Google Maps defaults to a view of your house. From the inside.
- "I'm a Korean OS" guy is even more obnoxious than the "I'm a Mac" guy.
- Hosts a wide array of socialist networking sites, where *everyone* is required to be friends with Kim.
- Firewall has no provision for DMZ.
- Red Screen of Death. No, *literally*, DEATH!
The Top Devices That Exploit Desperation
- Sports cars.
- All chiropractic equipment.
- Weight loss pills, and most home exercise equipment.
- Breast enhancing creams.
- Off-The-Hook Home Pregnancy Test: "Negative Results *Guaranteed!*"
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