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[Mar. 3rd, 2010|08:04 am] |
Sure, we have hockey fans here in Alabama. We call them "Canadians."
I'd say the worst part of starting a brand new relationship is discovering she lives in a place with a spiral staircase and then having to dump her. Like hell I'm gonna someday have to move a queen bed or armoire down that thing.
I cried for I had no shoes, until I met a large, muscular bouncer who bitchslapped me for being a crybaby. Then he bitchslapped me again for violating the "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" rule of his bar. Then I cried a lot more, because getting bitchslapped twice was way worse than the not-having-any-shoes thing.
The Top Signs an Animal Is an Addict
- While chasing a wildebeest, the jaguar tops 200 mph and bursts into flame.
- Your dog not only caught the Doritos truck, he drove it back to warehouse to be refilled.
- The hyenas keep asking the giraffes if they're high, then giggle uncontrollably.
- Your hamster cage contains more smoke than Amy Winehouse's left lung.
- "I said Polly wants *crack*, bitch!"
The Top Features of Computer Engineer Barbie
- Her dream house is now a lot cheaper since it only consists of a basement.
- No need for Ken, since she'll be single forever.
- Barbie's best friend Skipper is now Louie the Gruff, Bearded Unix Admin.
- Wardrobe includes one pair of pants, seven Dilbert t-shirts and fourteen Invader Zim hoodies.
- Fully anatomically correct so the male computer engineers who buy her can learn what they are supposed to be looking for.
- Strong anti-virus protection successfully keeps away Ken's worm.
- Her WoW t-shirt comes pre-stained with three different energy drinks.
- Soon to be discontinued and replaced by her offshore friend "Bengali".
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