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Decembris 23., 2011
 | 01:16
Redz, reizēm man izdodas uz laiku būt laimīgai, un tas ir tad, kad tādā vai citādā veidā dabū sevī iekšā sajūtu, ka esi cits, vai arī dabū no sevis ārā sajūtu, ka esi tu
Pēdējās piecas dienas esmu dzīvojusi sapnī, kas daudzos aspektos pārsit realitāti, ietverot arī emocionālo piesaisti, vēlmi tur atrasties un notikumu uzskatīšanu par būtiskiem (sapnī, protams, notikumus var mainīt retrospektīvi). Es esmu bijusi laimīga.
Protams, tas, kas palicis pāri no mana "es", ir reāli nokaunējies/nobijies/dusmīgs, jo atkal atkal atkal.
Precīzāk, mans dominantais "es", kas ir in charge tikai tāpēc, ka viņai (?) gribas visko kontrolēt un zināt, un būt drošībā.
"We are all alike," Dmitri finally said. "Without each other we are lost. For a long time, you have taken care of things, but now...you're cracking up."
I sat there, staring at my hands, feeling his warm presence at my shoulder.
"This isn't fair. Why doesn't Lora at least talk to us?" A whiny tone crept in my voice.
"She doesn't talk to you because she knows you don't like her. She's afraid of you."
"Wait, you mean she talks to you?"
"Sorta, yes."
"You never told this to me."
"You wouldn't like it."
"Damn sure I don't. I trusted you, Dmitri."
"You thought that you were the one in control," he said softly.
Only because they wanted me to take care of things. Only because they asked me to help.
(src)
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