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Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses, too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, F it, what's been up? Man, how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some- who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground stuff that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that sh- was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
Oh, I can't see at all
And even if I could it will all be gray
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
Not so bad
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's messed up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to, but you could've signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother, man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you
For four hours and you just said, "No"
That's pretty bummy, man, you're like his favorite idol
He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I'd write you you would write back
See, I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
So when I have a crummy day, I drift away and put 'em on
'Cause I don't really got- else, so that helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up, you gotta call me, man
I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan
P.S. We should be together too
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it will all be gray
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
Not so bad
Dear Mr. I'm Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans
This will be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing ninety on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka
You dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who could have saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you could a rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you go to sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
See Slim, shut up! I'm tryin' to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin' in the trunk
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
'Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shoot, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it will all be gray
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
Not so bad