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[Dec. 28th, 2009|12:17 pm] |
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baaac! sodien man paliek 26! jutos divaini skaista......!! |
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| ardities! |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|01:02 am] |
es sodien domaju ka tas ir... tikties ar dzeku pec.. Vinaam. un pec.. tik ilga laika. i wonder how it is to fall in love. and is it real at all?
i wonder if i never see my unborn child grow up?
i wonder is it gonna be he or she?
"..i have cut thorugh the heart of trees growing old and straight
i have taken fish from water
and birds from the sky.
in my life i have needed death so that my life can be
when i die i must give life
to what has nourished me..
the earth receives my body and gives it to the plants
and to the caterpillars
to the birds
and coyotes..
each in its own time so that the circle of life is never broken."
now i can dream only of it. scarification. though my body resists. scars and knife.. they take my brain away....
sasitas dures un skapji. kartejais grieziens.. man vajadzes aizpildit aadu ar skaistu zimejumu. tatad akal griezisim.. laikam salauzu roku |
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[Oct. 29th, 2009|11:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | in wait... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | amanda.. my love =p | ] |
My friend has problems with winter and autumn they give him prescriptions they shine bright lights on him
They say it's genetic, they say he can't help it, they say you can catch it - but sometimes you're born with it.
My friend has blight, he gets shakes in the night and they say that there's no way that they could have caught it in
Time takes his toll on him it is traditional, it is inherited predispositional
All day I've been wondering what is inside of me who can I blame for it?
I say it runs in the family this family that carries me to such great lengths, to open my legs up to anyone who'll have me
It runs in the family I come by it honestly do what you want 'cause who knows it might fill me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Fill me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
My friend's depressed she's a wreck she's a mess they've done all sorts
of tests and they guess it has something to do with her grandmother's
grandfather's grandmother's civil war soldiers who badly infected her
My friend has maladies, shrickets, and allergies that she dates back to the 17th century
Somehow she manages, in her misery strips in the city and shares all her best tricks with me
Well I'm well well I mean I'm in hell well I still have my health at least that's what they tell me
If wellness is this what in hells name is sickness?
But business is business and BUSINESS
Runs in the family we tend to bruise easily bad in the blood I'm
telling you 'cause I just want you to know me - know me and my family
we're wonderful folks, but don't get too close to me 'cause you might
knock me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Knock me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Mary have mercy now look what I've done but don't blame me because I can't help where I come from and
Running is something that we've always done well and mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from
Run from their pity from responsibility run from the country and run from the city
I can run from the law I can run from myself I can run from my life I can run into debt
I can run from it all I can run 'til I'm gone I can run for the office and run for my cause
I can run using every last ounce of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot
Run from my family they're hiding inside of me
Corpses on ice
Doubt me if you like but just don't tell
My family they'd never forgive me they'd say that I'm crazy but they would say anything if it would
Shut me up
Shut me up
Shut me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Shut me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up |
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| the ghosts of my mind |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|01:49 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | running nothing but running.. | ] |
people say u're an idiot
they don't know a thing!
things that come and sneak into our lives
so tiny and invisible
destroying
laughing
that's my misery
i hate them
want to kill them and enjoy destroying
they kill my vision
they do destroy
they kill my attitude
of things i was assured
people say i'm crazy
people say i'm weak
keep swimming in the sea of pain
but they do keep to sneak and sneak
these phobias and paniced times
these crazy things and thoughts
they come and sneak
and sneak
and sneak
and kill you sleeping
like a goat
u think u've found a shelter
but they come
they come
and know
safety's what i need
but the only way is to blow
----
god i wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes |
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| amanda - my love |
[Oct. 19th, 2009|11:57 am] |
| [ | music |
| | look mummy no hands.. | ] |
Remember the fair ma, the two of us there ma, by the merry-go-round
I stood there entranced, as the bright colours danced, to the magical sound,
Just a dollar for pleasure untold, and I rode in a world of scarlet and gold,
Look mummy no hands, I'm riding the roundabout all by myself,
Look mummy no hands, I called as I passed her faster and faster,
Hold on tight darling, she called out in fear, but I laughed and pretended that I couldn't hear,
How careless we are when we're young,
Remember the years of the salt and the tears, do you recall?
I hated you when you said be back by ten, I knew it all,
Always asking to know what I'd done, but as far as I knew I was just having fun,
Look mummy no hands, I know how to take good care of myself,
Look mummy no hands, please don't be a bore, cause I know the score,
She tried to warn me, but I wouldn't heed her,
I was grown up and I didn't need her,
How careless we are when we're young,
Remember the daughter and all that you taught her, she's grown up at last,
With a child of her own, she struggles alone as the years all fly past,
But now you're not there to answer her call,
You're not there to catch her when she stumbles and falls,
Look mummy no hands, I'm having to do this all by myself,
Look mummy no hands, I used to dismiss you, now I just miss you,
As my child grows away from me, I feel my heart sinking,
But I look back and smile and I find myself thinking,
How careless we are when we're young. |
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[Sep. 30th, 2009|08:01 pm] |
no! no! no! no!
no! no! NO!
if this is the way it should be..
if this is the way it is meant..
how can it be that for u and me it is so hard to
understand?
our lives were like two pumpkins
that wished to melt in one..
how can it be we were so dull
to think we're truly playing love?
i can`t accept it..!
i just know it shouldn't be!
that pain that covers me
is of nothing indeed!
u killed my vision
u left this emptiness
the destiny that i wrote for us
somehow was broken, somehow damned!
the world so big and me so small
how can it be i was so dull??
how could i trust
the word of dust?
it's us..
that were to crush..
u cannot think it over and find the way to be
u cannot play your love
if it doesn't actually exist.
but why is pain? and the world that scares?
why dependence makes u so damn fucking sad?? |
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[Sep. 29th, 2009|01:44 pm] |
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she said.. vajadzigi isti cilveki..un es piekritu. pilniba. |
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[Sep. 21st, 2009|12:16 am] |
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piedrazhu. vinas visas ir maukas!nekad un nevienai no vinaam lidz galam bljadj |
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| roza brilles nost. ..and rock n' roll!! |
[Sep. 18th, 2009|09:58 am] |
sodien ir ta diena. piekasu. vienu tranquilizer un bus ok.man tagd liela diena ar lieliem sapniem. 4 no rita atnaca zalais virins ciemos.mes gulam.un domas jau bliezham to puutienu uz sienas. vakar bija jauks vakars.tikai tads reibinos..ar skaistu juuru skatoties daugavaa =D ai piedrazu visu bus jau labi.tikai nekad vairs ta nepalausos un neuzticesos tik loti. but par vergu vagaram un paciest sos patagas cirtienus dveselee jabut pietiekami lielam idiotam vai mazohistam..?ta laikam ir gan. es savaksu savu sulu spiedi. jau tik ilgi sapnoju par svaigi spiestu apelsinu un visvisadu sulu.. dzive ir parak daudz forsu lietu lai piekertos kadam. tik loti. never have attachment for somebody, just for anything.. un viņš pirms katras roku mazgasanas reizes dziedaja "happy birthday to you.."..
neticet neticet un velreiz neticet. 2 ar pusgadi..vairak..neticas. gandriz 3.un es ta iekritu |
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| IENĪSTU VISUS UN PIEKĀŠU ŠO NE'JŪTĪGO UN PERVERSO PASAULI!!! |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|05:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  empty city.. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mūzikas nav! tikai sāpes. | ] |
Man krūtīs ir asara
Tā karājas tur kā cieta pērle,
Kā liels daudzkarātu dimants,
ko es gribētu izņemt,
izrakt,
ja vien spētu.
Es lēnām asiņoju. Tas ir ciets
Un tam ir asas malas
Tās griež un spiežas it kā gribētu sasniegt ribas manas.
Sāpes ir pielipušas pie sienas.
pārāk durošas un asas.
Pasaule staro un mani silda.
Bet sejā jūtama smeldze.
Visa vasara smeldz.
Tā ārda manas iekšas un ar tukšumu pilda.
Tās ir manas vienīgās. Tik vajadzīgās.
Bet pa daļai jau sašķaidītās.
Sirds ir maza. Un saspiesta.
Tai jāpukst.
Sirds nevar pateikt-
"Man sāp! Laid mani! Man vairs nav vietas!"
Tā kliedz caur arteria carotis
un ar drebošu troksni ausīs
stāsta man šausminošas lietas.
Es gribētu izbēgt. no sevis.
Bet esmu sapinusies. sapinusies tīklā..
..Tur zirneklis kāri vēro un viņa acis smejas.
Tas šķiet tik auksts un nejūtīgs,
man radot eiforiskas sāpes.
Vairs nezinu, ko jūtu.
Vai jūtu? nejūtu?
Vai smeldz un nesāp?
Es laikam saindēta. Viņš pilda mani ar indi.
Es nevaru pakustēties un varbūt klusi
nedaudz nīstu.
Bet smeldzoši ilgojos un gaidu
atzinību.
"Tu nelaid mani vaļā, es saindēta Tevi mīlu!"
Tev acis savelkas ļaunā smaidā-
"Es arī Tevi mīlu."
Man sāp. Man ļoti sāp!
Bet vai tiešām esmu tik viena?
Ka tikai šī smeldze rada sajūtu-
"Mēs esam kopā.. Un es jūtu nelielu prieku."
UN TAGAD ARĪ TĀ VAIRS NAV. ZIRNEKLIS APĒDA MANI... UN VISU KAS BIJIS.
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| piedrāžu so nejūtīgo pasauli!!! |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|05:08 pm] |
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pasaulē ir naids un nāve. un mīlestības nav. |
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[Aug. 29th, 2009|10:42 pm] |
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Piedošana man sagādā pārāk lielas pūles. Es labāk aizmirstu. /Ē. M. Remarks/ |
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[Aug. 29th, 2009|10:10 pm] |
piedrazt.
visu vasaru velejos mieru un sodien pirmo dienu atpusos un
man par ilgiem laikiem ir ta ka
garlaicigi? |
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[Aug. 28th, 2009|07:52 pm] |
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piedrazu visus un it ipasi visas divkoses! liekas nekad musu pasaule neesmu redzejusi tik daudz riebeklibu apkart. tas krajas un krajas visapkart un cilvekos ieksa lidz vini to nespej saturet un izvemj.un nevis ta vienkarsi bet otram-tuvakajam virsu. ne- vai ari merkejot bet vienmer trapot dvesele. es saku ienist so visu sev pasai negribot. man apnikusas sis dalito iespeju iespejas, kas ir dabujamas tikai visvisvisvis-kajiem!tev but tadam un tadam un tad tev paversies iespeja! man driz saksies neiroze jutot ka es parversos pesismsa ienistot to un itvisus kas ar to dzivo. jasak domat un jautat vai optimisms ka tads ir vienkarsa visa piedrashana vai ari veiksmiga samakslotu aktieru spele? es sobrid ienistu visus skerslus un kibeles kas padara musu dzivi jautraku. tikai kaut kadel tie smiekli nemaz nenak. kaut kadel tas trepes ari nestajas kur nu vel iet uz augsu. es spelesu gitaru sovakar sevi jo ari tur man diemzel nav iespejas iespejai.es gribu iziet lauka saulite un pamosties no si sapna, vairs neredzu happy ending.. |
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[Dec. 11th, 2008|09:56 pm] |
your soul' s asking for the first medical aid m?
our world still' s infected with virus of happiness.
take an injection.
take an injection.
TAKE an injection.
just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it does not exists. |
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[Dec. 11th, 2008|09:34 pm] |
no matter what actually happens
i'm predicted ordered or lied about
you' re here in
and none's able to get you out
sis veltijums griezas manas galvas karuselii lidz beidzot nonaks visaas savaas 14 rokaas. driz misija bus pabeigta - un, i know, tas bus tikai sakums kaut kam lielakam man.
reizeem ta samakslotaa uzspeletaa pasaule balto halaatu aplokaa sak smacet. esi tads, tads un tads. man riebjas tas profesoru izbalinatais baltums kur uzputiba spiezas pa katru pogu araa. un mazie.. mazie kazleni leka apkart meles izkarusi meles, badaas un censhas uzkapt vinjam uz kajas lai tikai kaut nedaudz pastieptos un izskatiitos garaki ka patiesiibaa ir. tachu pietiktu ar vienu.. un viss izjuktu pa galam. es ardos. ardos savaa briiviibaa un teeloju ka mani tas neskar. reibinoshie skupsti mani neierobezho- shii briiviiba ir mana un es zinu ka tas aploks nav mans. mans baltais halaats karaajas kaut kur gaisaa. |
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[Dec. 11th, 2008|09:22 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | fassade of reality..epica.. | ] |
i run to those shity angels that pierce the sky |
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[Aug. 25th, 2008|05:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
man ir jauna oriģinālā stīpa ar ķēdēm, ko nevar pielikt un jauna bumba, ko nevar spēlēt. feel fucking circumstanced!!!!! |
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[Aug. 25th, 2008|05:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ..hhhhh! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | room of silence.. | ] |
sen neesmu piekāpusi cibiņā. cibiņš mans draugs un es tā. laiki mainās lietas iet uz priekšu. jauns gads jauns sākums būs. gribētos visu veco pagātni atstāt aiz žogmales, tikt pāri vainas sajūtai, kas nu jau moka kādu gadu un atlaist cilvēku, ko nemīlu. ir tik grūti nosaukt lietas īstajos vārdos.. man domāt laukakmens spiež uz rokasspiediena, kas ir jālaiž vaļā.. man teiks, Tu solīji! mhmm.. bet kā gan es viņai varēju atteikt? mazam pamestam pūkainam kucēnam. tās lūdzošās acis vai beidz mani nost. es esmu pati vainīga. kā gan var apsolīt kādu iemīlēt? klausos pati sevī- nav drosmes salauzt jau tā saskrāpēto sirdi- un šķebinos pati no sava gļēvuma. es gribu atgriezties pie sevis. savas ģitāras, bumbas un grāmatām. velosipēds jau tik ilg stāv dīkā un gaida mani, jo es, sak, man nav laika. kā gribās dažreiz aizmest tālu tālu savu sirdsapziņu un tikai dažbrīd pasaukt to domās kā eragonu.. mani sapņi piepildās. bet es nevaru aizmirst kā reiz kādam vēlēju nāvi. tas ir tas ko nedrīkst vēlēt nevienam. pat neliešiem. jo visi esam grēkojuši. jo piesaukts ļaunums piepildās vienmēr. un kāds vienmēr paliek viens. pāra vairs nav. tomēr par spīti visam es klusībā ceru nonākt šķīstītavā, kur varbūt ar smagu darbu.. nez. man jāglābj ļaudis, bet kāpēc glābšanas darbs reizēm kļūst par simptomu. you don't need to fix me i'm not broken.. smth like that lasiiju reiz 1aa profilā. tā ir taisnība. katram no mums jākuļas pašam, mēs drīkstam tikai pieturēt, ja redzam krītot. fuckin shit i hate these thoughtful momments |
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[Jun. 29th, 2008|10:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kompis klusi chiikst. | ] |
"pietiek shitaas luupu liimeeshanas." labi teikts.. nezinu esmu nedaudz nogurusi no taa visa. negribu vairs neko. ta ir mana dziive un viss. mjau |
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