I usually don't like to talk about dreams, but as I haven't met you in fucking don't know how long, I'll tell you. Also it's somewhat because I haven't told anyone about this dream and because that you're my "unreachable friend", hehe.
So I have this strange, recurring dream of a road in some desert-type-but-not-entirely place. There's a road, a good solid road ment for cars travelling long distances. And there's a hotel or a motel (don't know what to call it) by that road. Sometimes I imagine it as a 2-3 story type of hotel with room enterances on terraces or what they're called (like, long corridor with doors on the side of the house - in open). But sometimes it's merely a house with lots of rooms. I can't describe the house, so I'll draw one. Actually I'll draw how everything looks, haha! Only thing I can't draw is the "fauna" or in my picture - the color of the ground, heh. It's basically Vegas desert. [time flies by] Ok, I've finished it. Here is the screen (
Click on me for an Image to appear); uploaded it in my imgur (so to save it for better future). It's a shitty drawing, and, as I said, things do change in dreams, for instance, that little house may become that 3. story motel in another dream (as with woman in those dreams - there's never the same girl).
So why is that place so important to me? It's just a place - one may say. For me it's the experiences I've encountered in that scene. There was a lot of love. Both physical and emotional. But it was never associated with anything "dirty", "untrue" and "cheap" (like prostitution or that). There I've always felt the true love I was missing in my life. You may ask - how do I know the feeling of love if I haven't loved? Well, I have been in love, so It's that, plus, 100x more potency. Or maybe more. But there it's in the purest of it's forms. A woman. Sometimes it's a really young woman, like, "barely legal" or even maybe 16 y.o., but sometimes it's a full grown woman, like, 40 or so. In my real life it's about the same - I don't have special interest in age, like, for example, I don't like a girl because she's 18 or 40 - I like how she looks in her exact age. And I've no preferences, like "I like younger girls better than older ones" because I know that an 18 year old girl can be more mature than a 40 year old.
There was a corridor that leads to the kitchen. A door here, a door there. And this room where everything was happening (I know I've never ventured into the kitchen) - a living room, about 30 m2 or less, not big, not small. When you enter you first notice the sun shining with bright laser like beams on you through the half broken blinds - the beams are there because the air is full of dust. Not at the level that makes you uncomfortable, but it rather gives the place some scenic qualities. On the left there's an old 80/90ties TV sitting on a wide wardrobe - it's 5 times wider than TV, about 1 m high. In front of you is a wall covered in wallpaper that was once lusciously green, but not as green as natural forest or a leaf, there was less contrast to the color. Also there was a window (as there were those blinds). Or maybe two, I can't remember. If it was one, than a wide one because I had a feeling that once the blinds are up, the room would be full of warm, warm light. It was a strange feeling because I usually don't feel such things, especially in dreams. On the right was The spot - that curved sofa shaped in "L" (like in this picture). The spot where all the magic would happen. Sofas smaller curve was on the side of that wall witch I just described (as seen in front when walking into that room) and the bigger where one can lie down was on the wall on right. There floor was made of painted (worn off bordo?), lacquered boards. I think there was a picture of some sorts hanging from the left wall, and also a door that was always closed. Here, in this house, I had no quarrels with closed doors (actually I usually don't). Here is where the transcendence happened. When both physical and mental love collided with the same thing projected back at it. To illustrate that best, I'll quickly re-tell the last scene I remember.
I was sitting in that old curved sofa facing the silent, dusty TV (seemed like it hasn't been watched for the last 10 years), and she, a girl my age or maybe bit older, blonde and naturally with a perfect body [note that for me there are many perfect sets of bodies- there are perfect "skinny girls", there are perfect "fat girls", there are perfect "normal girls", there are perfect "big breasts girls", there are perfect "big asses, small breasts girl", there are perfect "small breasts and small ass girl", there are perfect "medium breasts and medium ass girl", there are perfect "small breasts, medium ass girl" and so (fucking) on; you probably get the point] sat in my lap, her legs bent together so she could sit comfortably facing me. We kissed, our clothes somehow came off themselves because she was so close to me physically that I couldn't get her off If I wanted. Like it both glue and enormous pressure would have been applied to her all the time. I didn't thin about that in that second, in the dream. All I would think about is... nothing, I just felt pure love. All my senses we're preoccupied with feeling it and her. First we kissed, made out and than she would somehow manage to "climb up" my erect self and we'd start to make love. And at that point the physical world ceased to exist, and all I felt was pure energy. And when I opened my eyes I could see her moving atop of me and a bright beam of light coming through us through the "chakra" that's projected into the sky (the bright beam went skywards). I couldn't feel myself anymore, nor control. I knew my arms was around her all the time, moving from her beautiful long hair (had no hair-do's) down to her ass witch I basically held in my hands when we wanted to increase the so called penetration speed. I say "we", not "I" because at that moment (when the penetration began) ego ceased to exist as we became one.
It's really sad that I never remember what happens after. Maybe it's just too intense that I stop dreaming about it (wake up and forget it or something). My mind can't process all of it. No, I actually think that it can process everything it "creates" - it's just the "ego" part of it that's lacking the power to perceive. Ego is the "objective truths'" worst enemy. And also the worst enemy of mankind. Tragically though we wouldn't be here if that ego was somewhat more limited. Because it's the "cause" of every human achievement there is. The driving force of man. For example, if in egos' place there would be an alternative of some sorts, like, "collective mind" or the "hivemind" (like bees and ants) there probably wouldn't be anything beautiful by our "human with egos" definitions. And also we wouldn't have to suffer. There would be no suffering at all actually because we would work as an unified mechanism and no one at all would have any objections of his place. I can imagine a model where people would still enjoy the benefits of being human, like, fucking and eating (reproducing and re-nutritioning), only there wouldn't be any emotion to it. And that seems sad to me as an "ego" male, hehe. We would only go as far as our queen wills (I assume she is the mastermind of the hivemind), If she even has a will of her own, as maybe hivemind is just an instinctive behaviour to respond (to respond evolutionally) to world and enviroment that it lives in. I've no idea, I just like to speculate with logic and to think interesting thoughts.
