| smadzene aizveras |
Sep. 26th, 2009|01:14 am |
I was alone in my room yesterday night. Well, of course, I had my teddy with me, but still - that doesn't really count, does it?
And I'm not talking about being physically alone - 'cos I'm used to it. It was a psychic thing, actually.
You know - I have this creepy kind of mind, which isn't able to keep silent for a while or stop thinking, going round and round, remembering the conversations I had, chats I wrote, lyrics of music I listened to, parts of conversations I overheard in a buss or a tram or just on a street. And every evening I can't find that "shut up" or "shut down" button.
I try to get my mind exhausted.. I stay late up, watch a movie, watch half a dozen trailers, write a blog, read movie news, read a book, listen to some music, listen to an audio-book, but as soon as I switch of the light and.. my mind starts talking.
It can talk with itself, with some imaginary character of myself or somebody of my childhood or my imaginary twin sister, whom I have since I was 9. It can also have some conversations with really existing people, whom I meet everyday. I discuss things I keep silent about in everyday life. It talks to fiction characters from movies and books. And it can just hold some kind of speech, a philosophic one...
And it's never silent it my head [maybe that's why it aches so often]..
It's usually. Yesterday [as I mentioned already] I was alone. Nobody was there to entertain or amuse or piss me of. I didn't feel lonely though. I felt totally exhausted and blank.
[I feel exhausted now too [that has been my permanent condition for last couple of weeks] There are more hours I'm asleep than awake around the clock. Creepy as if I'm pregnant with a vampire baby or having a brain tumor.. but that's not it..] |
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