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November 12th, 2009
07:16 pm
Don't date a suicidal girl unless you're completely sure you can make her happy.
Then again some commit suicide out of happiness. Seriously.
Just be very careful, ok?
Wait. In the end all of them just want to be saved.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://klab.lv/img/mood/classic/wink.gif) weird
Current Music: Lamb
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October 22nd, 2009
08:42 pm
Jā! Es pa kādu stundu esmu izstrādājusi jaunas programmas plānu. Es nevarēju par to neieblogot. Tā būs tik sasodīti garlaicīga programma.
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October 10th, 2009
11:40 pm
-Got anything for me today? - A tall man just walked up to a huge assembly of transportation containers. There is a hideous storm outside, not a soul in miles radius. But the dealers never sleep.
-Sure, just got some new stuff. How much do you need this time? - A young guy hesitates for a moment, until he recognizes the man that approached him, he is friendly and relaxed.
-Just a half.
-Alright. By the way, how's Jade? - A painful expression appears in the man's eyes. They seem to sink into darkness, almost as if it was just resurfacing. He pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth.
-She's dead. - He found the lighter and lighted the cigarette.
-Gee, dude, I'm so...how? - The young guy hesitates, he's never dealed with death before, obviously. The dealers don't deal with death.
-Two shots right through the heart. London underground. They say it was an accident. - The man's intonations are weird. He might be thinking about something else at the moment. Another world, another planet preferably.
-Didn't she work for the government?
-Yes. She did. - He emphasizes the past. He puts out the cigarette and puts his hands in the pockets of the army jacket. It's freezing in the rain, it's always freezing.
-Oh. I see now. I'm so very sorry. You two were inseparable. - Like a strike to the heart. He's young, but he knows how to kill a person, without even touching him.
-We got married a couple of months ago.
-You must be in pain, dude, I'm so sorry. - He's so sorry. You can see it in his eyes, in his mouth, in his posture, all of him is sorry. Sorry he started the topic. He so didn't want to learn this.
-I know that.
-I heard that you lead the rebels now. But I never heard about her.
-I don't talk about it much. I can't talk about it much. - The man stares into the ground, as if trying to find a well-hidden coin. They say it's luck, if you pick up a coin on the street.
-You're doing it for her then? - The man suddenly looks at the yound dealer and smiles into the past.
-We wanted to do this together. Can I just get my stuff, Hank, hurry up.
-Yeah, right, here you go. - The young one hands over a package of fairy dust and takes the money.
-Thanks. - This man is more than glad to get out of there finally. He needs his peace. He remembered he needs peace, right now. He tries to fetch another cigarette, but it falls to the ground. He swears quietly, but does not try to light another one. His hands are shaking.
-Come again. And...I'm sorry, dude. - This young guy is friendly and relaxed. He smiles to the night, but he doesn't mean it. He goes back inside the container. There is so much to do.
-Right, right, that's right. - He's in a hurry now.
I remember her sitting there on the very edge of the window. Our house was so old and wooden, I have always liked those. So she would sit there, facing the rooftops of so many other similar houses, and she would light a cigarette. I thought it was ridiculous, to smoke, that is, I tried to hide her lighters, but it seemed like she had them stashed everywhere. And I gave up and accepted her smoking, even though I never stopped teasing her about it. No, actually, I did. But right then, on that window, in my shirt, with messy hair and a cigarette she looked as desirable as a woman could be. I came up to her and put my arms around her, like the first time we met, and I whispered the meaning of life into her, and she gave me her breath, full of smoke. Our room was in the attic of the house, because we thought it the most convenient, and the cheapest too. We almost fell out the window in this strike of passion, but we surived, only to loose eachother a couple of months later. But right then, I could call her mine and it was all I needed for life.
And then she had enough of it. She decided to take action. Jade would never give up on her country, but she despised the government. She wanted each one of them dead. And I had something she needed so much. Let us not be biological at this point, my friends.
Now, there is only this nausea. I don't smoke to bring her back. I smoke to be nauseaus, to remind myself of the reality. The ugly one. Very ugly, the opposite of her. But the smoke was her breath. And I believed that it made me nauseaus for a reason.
A reaload of the gun now and forward on to the sense of this.
So, she needed me. I asumed it was for my admirable talent of persuasion, of making people listen to me and do what I say. She said I was a natural leader without an engine. And she would be my engine. Talent to persuade I definitely had, otherwise, how could I have persuaded her to marry me? No, not that funny now. We had no other choice, we were a part of one mechanism. She was a leading spirit with no body. (If we asume that her most gorgeous body did not count) I was a leading body, but with no spirit.
And I still had no spirit. Or was there just the spirit left?
It's hold in here I can hardly breathe. Then again, it seems cold everywhere.
The government continued repressions and violence. Gunshots can be heard all over the place. They destroyed the nation they were supposed to protect. This is what Jade was fighting against. She was going to organize the rebel movement. I succeeded. I formed an army of my own. I connected it with divisions from other regions. We had weaponry and everything she dreamed of. But I had fairy dust, and I found my only solace in the wicked delusions it made me feel.
Sometimes I thought I could go back in time.
Sometimes I thought that the world had changed to the best.
And then I woke up from the fairytale, and I led the rebels into a revolution and into their death. These fine men, not all of the though, would die on the battlefield. Their wives would loose husbands, their mothers would loose sons. We had a lot of brave women in the division, too. They were the best of the best. They were fighting for their freedom and for the freedom of their children.
Was it fair that I took up the leadership? A damaged man, a damaged delusional man, who had nothing to fight for. Sometimes it seemed like the strength came from my cigarettes.
What will the world be like after the dictators are gone? What will the world be like after this war is won? What will the world be like with no dealers and no assasins? I am going to find out pretty soon.
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October 1st, 2009
08:14 pm
Affection makes it interesting. It sometimes seems like the only thing that does. We wouldn't be so bored most of the time otherwise.
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September 26th, 2009
08:18 pm - Btw
Torchwood = such a huuuge wtf
Why does everyone have to be so gay?
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September 25th, 2009
08:19 pm
-What's your name, Melinda?
-Wait, I'm floating.
-Let me know when you're done.
-It hurts, you know. Nobody could tell.
-Not by the way you do it.
-Are you afraid of me?
-I thought you were busy. I'm not afraid, I'm just careful. You look frail.
-Oh yes, we're supposed to look like that. Are you attracted to me?
-Attracted? What does that mean?
-Mm, now I see it, the life of this land, it's intriguing.
-What did you mean by attracted?
-Only the fact that I know your kind better than you do.
-Am I not disturbing your procedures?
-You are making it less painful. Thank you.
-Why does it hurt exatcly?
-It is not a natural process for the body. It registers a disturbance of balance, so the brain produces an alarm - pain.
-Why do you still do it then?
-Because I can't do otherwise.
-I understand what you mean. It's like a habbit, like smoking for me.
-You know what's smoking and you don't know what's attraction. What do they teach you these days?
-None of that stuff you talk about.
-So I've heard.
-What do you see now?
-The subjective truth. I don't really like it.
-It's the reality. You don't have to like it, you have to live in it.
-I don't have to. It's you, people, you always have to.
-Could you get down, please, I feel weird talking to you like this.
-You should feel weird talking to me at all.
-True.
-I've read the poems of your kind. And they are as real as what I see, yet completely different.
-You must have read the wrong ones.
-Why don't you go and drink yourself to sleep? Maybe a cigarette by the open window, an evening magazine and a cup of cold coffee would also be useful.
-You talk so surely about things you have no idea of.
-Well, you have no idea of me.
-And what's your name then?
-Now I can tell you. Oh, it feels so light... And my true name is Thara.
-Weird for you to have two of them. Many of us don't even have one.
-We are quite different. You are the only local who knows my name now, you may not speak about it, though.
-How will you know?
-The magic always knows, just because it's everywhere.
-I shall be careful then.
-And I shall be one of you someday, like my sisters.
-Do you predict something?
-I am just trying to state the obvious. That our worlds will eventually blend.
-So...are we in the future or in the past of your time?
-We are in the present. But there is no such thing as future or past, you can never tell those apart. It is only polite to talk about the present, the only thing you know for certain.
-You have read our poems, and you still don't know how to talk to us properly.
-Oh, I know, I just have no need to try. You already know who I am.
-Oh, I am not so sure.
-I saw it change...
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September 23rd, 2009
10:23 pm - Lyrics
If I should die this very moment
I wouldnt fear
For Ive never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
Still in my heart this moment
Or it might burst
Could we stay right here
Until the end of time until the earth stops turning
Wanna love you until the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for
All this time Ive loved you
And never known your face
All this time Ive missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
Wanna stay right here
Until the end of time
til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you until the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
All Ive known
All Ive done
All Ive felt was leading to this
All Ive known
All Ive done
All Ive felt was leading to this
Wanna stay right here
til the end of time till the earth stops turning
Im gonna love you till the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
Wanna stay right here
til the end of time till the earth stops turning
Im gonna love you till the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
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September 19th, 2009
08:22 pm - Trying out new stuff, nvm
-You know, she sometimes has this really bright glow around her that throws me off like an electric field. No, it's not an electric field, I should know. But it makes me not want to go near her, even though it seems like a very positive glow. Ok, so you think she might be an empath? Oh, I don't know, seriously, but it's a good thing. I should check whether it has the same effect on other people. Yes, I know I don't have much time, but that might be a ray of hope for her and for me. No, shut up, it's not like that, you're such a brainless freak.
Right, I see her now. Her pale skin, it seems glowing even without that strange radiation. I always come to think of moonlight when I'm with her. Her bloodred hair is gently falling down her back, the lively smile...and the eyes of an ancient goddess looking down with great interest. Perfect situation - she's reading one of those huge books, can't see the title. The first time I saw her, I remember it clearly now, it was in the bus, she was reading, and she seemed so sad in her beauty. The expression of her angelic face changes, she seems waiting for something good to happen. And, yes, there it is, the glow. You can't really see it as much as you can feel a wave of energy coming at you. She is so definitely chanelling foreign emotions. Now, who should I send over there? Here comes her best friend Heidi, someone she would never like to go the other way, closer and closer and...YES, Heidi changes her mind and goes the other direction. I should definitely use this new info. I gently touch my mates consciousness in a wave of triumph, not complete, though, knowing she is still not safe.
-See, I told you, I knew she was special in some way. A person simply can't be that attractive with no reason. No, you can't meet her just yet. First, I have to do my thing. When we know for sure that the killer isn't after her, I might introduce you to her. What nonesence, of course I am not in love with her. My life depends on her life, you know. And the freedom of my soul. Yes, yes, I would be able to say a definite goodbye to her after it's over. She means nothing to me.
And to myself I think - am I at all that confident? Tomorrow will be a different day. Another chance to meet the sunrise without her image in my mind.
[To be continued]
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September 14th, 2009
08:47 pm
Mans velnišķīgais kārdinātāj, mans grēks, manas dvēseles nemiers. Es Tev pretojos ar katru stundu vairāk, bet Tu esi neatlaidīgs, pēc velna. Tu, viens no trijiem, esi atnācis, lai mūs visus pazudinātu, bet par manu iekāri vari nesapņot. Ak Dievs! Tu tachu nemaz nevari sapņot, jo cik gan Tevī ir no cilvēka...Un vienīgais, ar ko cilvēki var lepoties, vienīgais, kā citiem nav, ir cilvēku sapņi, jo to nevar sasniegt neviens cits. Dievi nesapņo, nesapņo arī dēmoni, jo jūs tachu it nemaz neguļat, velna mošķi.
Sātana kalps, Tu spēj pavest jebkuru sievieti, jebkuru meitene, es domāju, ka pat vīrieši neatteiktos. Un viņas visas ir gatavas Tevis dēļ mirt, kad ir baudījušas to, ko Tu spēj viņām sniegt. Viņas grib vēl un vēl, viņām nekad nepietiks ar to pašu vienu nakti, kurā Tu nolaupi to dvēseles uz mūžu mūžiem. Un tad viņas pazemojas un lūdz, bet Tu nekad vairs nevērs savu skatu uz tām, kuras esi jau ieguvis. Es viena vien pretojos, jo es nepazīstu iekāri, es neatceros sapņus - - un mani pārāk bieži moka bezmiegs. Te loģiski beigtos mūsu stāsts. Bet Tu tachu māki parādīt un iemācīt mums to, līdz kam vēl paši neesam nonākuši. Un Tavi brāļi ir vēl nešpetnāki par Tevi, manu mocītāj.
Es ieelpoju Tavas domas līdz ar saldo dūmaku ap pilsētas nakti. Pirmo reizi mūžā man ir bail, man ir bail pazaudēt to vienīgo, kas man ir, kā nav cilvēkiem, kā nav tik ļoti daudziem - es nekad nevēlos pazaudēt savu brīvību. Es nelūgšos un nezemošos, es vilkšu sarkanu krustu pār degošo iekāri, ko centies manī ieviest. Es skaitu senus druīdu pantus, kur sacīts - Tu mani gribi vien tādēļ, ka bēgu, tālāk un tālāk no Tevis prom, un no Taviem velna brāļiem. Vai jūs maz esat radniecīgi? Jūs allaž esat kopā un vienmēr pa vienam. Es neatceros redzējusi jūsu sejas, laikam es zinu, ka to jums nav.
Viegls pieskāriens pleciem, skatiens uz rokām, elpa, matos sapinusies. Ļauj man mieru, atraisies, nešķīstais spēks un sameklē citu upuri.
Tavs skatiens neļauj man kustēties, Tavi griezīgie chuksti ir liekulīgi un skaisti kā vējš lapās. Es reizē gribu izrauties un skriet, glābjot dzīvību, gan arī ciešāk piekļauties Tavam visu varenajam augumam, kas elles ugunīs kalts. Mūžība ir vārds, ko Tu pazīsti vislabāk. Mūžība ir mirklis Tavā varā. Tu esi mani noķēris, Tu esi apturējis manu domu ritējumu, Tu tagad vari padarīt mani par savu kārtējo vergu, bet Tu nevari, jo vārds "labprātīgi", lai arī maziņš, bet pagalam nozīmīgs. Līdz šim visas Tev atdevušās - - labprātīgi, bez tā dīvainā transa, kas mani saista jau, cik, mūžību?
Paies nenozīmīgais laiks, viens no mums uzvarēs. Vai nu Tu salauzīsi mani visu, iemācot man just to, kas nav mans. Vai arī Tu beidzot sapratīsi, ka ar šo visu, es jau esmu Tev pārāk īpaša, lai tas būtu kaut mazliet tik neinteresanti kā citu reizi. Bet vēl šobaltdien - es bēgu no Tevis, un Tu mani ķer, lai atkal palaistu vaļā, kad neesi panācis savu.
Daudz, daudz, ziņkārīgu, skaudīgu, man nāvi velošu sieviešu skropstaino acu noskatās līdzi elles uguņu starpā, jo peklē visām mums vietas nekad nepietiks.
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September 7th, 2009
08:48 pm
Помниш те красивые слова?
А я помню, и я верила.
Всё всегда так быстро меняется. Ведь я очень не хочу верить в нечестных людей.
Твой мир медленно умирает.
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