10:34 pm - Quote me if I'm wrong...There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. /Bill WattersonWho's Bob? What to reply to a person who says, "I'm so confused, Bob." /John Grimes Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. /Plato If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? /Steven Wright I really didn't say anything i said. /Yogi Berra Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway. Death sneaks up on you like a windshield sneaks upon a bug. I never had a sense of humor. What started me in theatrical direction was finding at a very early age that i had a talent. I could impersonate chickens. Buk buk buk bacagh. /Jonathan Miller SONG TITLES: "If I Had To Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You." /Abe Burrows "I Gave Her The Ring and She Gave Me The Finger." /unknown "I Can't Fall Asleep Since You Sat On My Pillow Last Night." /David E. Ortman Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. /Steven Wright Nominations in MOST BORING HEADLINE contest 1986: "University of Rochester Decides to Keep Name" (New York Times) "Economist Dies" (Wisconsin State Journal) When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter. Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. Consequences, shmonsequences, as long as I'm rich. / Daffy Duck I wish Karl would accumulate some capital instead of just writing about it. /Karl Marx's mother, allegedly Success is women you don't even know walking around your house. Christmas is Christ's revenge for crucifixion. Oral sex is like being attacked by a giant snail. /Germaine Greer This gum tastes funny. /Sign on condom machine Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. /Bob Rubin I enjoy dating married men because they don't want anything kinky, like breakfast. /Joni Rodgers She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. /Will Rogers Physics lesson: When a body is submerged in water, the phone rings. /Martin Friedman Truth is the safest lie. I always wanted to be somebody, but i should have been more specific. /Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. /Kathleen Norris There is no cure for birth or death except to try to enjoy the interval. /George Santayana |