No.365 - First Entry. Opening the journal.
This will be the first entry. And for the next 364 (reflective count) days there will be one for each evening.
I was filling up a self assessment test. And question of my relationship status did not gave an option "It's complicated". So I put down - single. It's better that way. For me. Does this answer make the fact more real? I don't know. What I do know, though, it makes me focus on myself.
I gave away a big "me" part. Unconsciously. Why? The discouraging self-esteem issues and laziness to focus on my own wishes? That too.. And Right now - lately - since that Sunday almost 3 weeks ago, I've been ok the way I am for most of the time. When I don't try to worry about what happens to "us".
These 365 notes shall not be about what happened. Or who I was. They shall be about who I am now and what I want now. I shall start from the very basics.
The reason why I am a this point is still under question mark. Did I try too hard? Is there such thing as "meant to be"? I don't know. What I do know is I know then there is something real for me. And this was. But does that necessarily mean that it is meant to be? OR is that an illusion to tie my into false hopes on future?
Today I believe that I need to let it go. I need to let it go in order to see whether all this was real. Not Only for me. But in order to know that this was not my illusion.
I know I need to find myself again. And I have my to-do list ready in order to fulfil my desires. But I also need to let this interaction take its own pace. If there is such thing as anything real - it will not fade away with time. It requires two people to be ready and engaged in relationship. And I know for me, I need to let things go away now. For my own sake. And finish off my list first.
First thing on my to-do list: What is that makes me happy. Right now - and for most time of my life - it is the fulfilment through what I do. And that is architecture. Still. If things, people and places change, then architecture / or anything where something is created through my understanding and vision - is what I want to do. And right now - I am not at the point where I do it at my best. So for the next entry. I shall be one step closer towards this dream
1. Folio - almost finished. Cover letters - to be finished.
2. Big question-mark to define what is that I seek to find? Guidance. I still feel like I'm learning. And that Is what I aim for. Guidance. With that and my own motivation to be good at what I can do. I will move towards what I desire. Process. Progress.
I was filling up a self assessment test. And question of my relationship status did not gave an option "It's complicated". So I put down - single. It's better that way. For me. Does this answer make the fact more real? I don't know. What I do know, though, it makes me focus on myself.
I gave away a big "me" part. Unconsciously. Why? The discouraging self-esteem issues and laziness to focus on my own wishes? That too.. And Right now - lately - since that Sunday almost 3 weeks ago, I've been ok the way I am for most of the time. When I don't try to worry about what happens to "us".
These 365 notes shall not be about what happened. Or who I was. They shall be about who I am now and what I want now. I shall start from the very basics.
The reason why I am a this point is still under question mark. Did I try too hard? Is there such thing as "meant to be"? I don't know. What I do know is I know then there is something real for me. And this was. But does that necessarily mean that it is meant to be? OR is that an illusion to tie my into false hopes on future?
Today I believe that I need to let it go. I need to let it go in order to see whether all this was real. Not Only for me. But in order to know that this was not my illusion.
I know I need to find myself again. And I have my to-do list ready in order to fulfil my desires. But I also need to let this interaction take its own pace. If there is such thing as anything real - it will not fade away with time. It requires two people to be ready and engaged in relationship. And I know for me, I need to let things go away now. For my own sake. And finish off my list first.
First thing on my to-do list: What is that makes me happy. Right now - and for most time of my life - it is the fulfilment through what I do. And that is architecture. Still. If things, people and places change, then architecture / or anything where something is created through my understanding and vision - is what I want to do. And right now - I am not at the point where I do it at my best. So for the next entry. I shall be one step closer towards this dream
1. Folio - almost finished. Cover letters - to be finished.
2. Big question-mark to define what is that I seek to find? Guidance. I still feel like I'm learning. And that Is what I aim for. Guidance. With that and my own motivation to be good at what I can do. I will move towards what I desire. Process. Progress.
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