meerkakjprata nedienas
brain overflow
9/8/14 07:35 am
"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."
9/8/14 07:33 am
"I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge.
It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories,
from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom."
9/8/14 06:30 am
"I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare."
9/3/14 07:30 pm
“To compose our character is our duty, not to compose books, and to win, not battles and provinces, but order and tranquility in our conduct.
Our great and glorious masterpiece is to live appropriately. All other things, ruling, hoarding, building, are only little appendages and props, at most.”
― Michel de Montaigne
9/3/14 07:10 pm
“I do not care so much what I am to others as I care what I am to myself.”
9/2/14 02:00 pm
“When evening comes, I return home and go into my study. On the threshold I strip off my muddy, sweaty, workday clothes, and put on the robes of court and palace, and in this graver dress I enter the antique courts of the ancients and am welcomed by them, and there I taste the food that alone is mine, and for which I was born. And there I make bold to speak to them and ask the motives of their actions, and they, in their humanity, reply to me. And for the space of four hours I forget the world, remember no vexation, fear poverty no more, tremble no more at death: I pass indeed into their world.”
8/25/14 02:44 am
PART the DOS
The thing is then, that an autopilot develops in line with the system it's piloting. let me elaborate here for a minute -
- for a system whose primary parameter is survival, the functions of autopilot are fight/flight/mate - first two are triggered by danger and the approximation of the degree of it (whether you can "take it" or not(better yet - is the danger known or not, and whether you have a system for dealing with it as it were)) and the latter by whether your primary function can be fulfilled.
now for a monkey, the spectrum which the "rule" of "dont be a dick" can inhabit is considerably less than, of lets say a cro-magnon. What im getting at here is that the more complex we as the human race become, the degrees to which "dont be a dick" applies grow exponentially.
consequently the "domain" of EGO or the realm which is relegated to "autopilot" grows along with our cognitive capacity.
part 3 to follow ~apparently im not as brief as I'd like to think myself to be
8/25/14 01:41 am - part 1
Lets have a closer look at the phenomenon of "You" or "I"
What ARE "You"; what is "I"?
In my mind, if you really take those concepts apart, You'll arrive at
it being nothing more than an accumulation of imprints - full external (parents say stealing is bad; so = stealing = bad);
internalized external (society has punishments in place for people who steal - ergo stealing must be bad)
and full internal - stealing makes ME feel bad, so stealing = bad)
I am fully aware of the ambiguity and the overlap of these; in my mind this arises from the inescapable fact of relating everything to the first person "I" as "he who experiences"; the differences, however, lie in the way it is imprinted in the functional schema/workings of ourselves.
one can apply the same formula for positive pole t.i. "good" instead of "bad"
and from these fundamental - and largely external influences we grow our egos' as one would a plant from a certain type of soil.
The issue then becomes, if we, for example, choose the 3rd option of internal imprinting - who is the "me" that feels bad/good about something if the premise is "you/I are/is a collection of imprints"? what are these things imprinted ON?
to me then the next logical step is to examine the entity know as ego - which is fundamentally an autopilot born out of the basic biological drive of survival - some experiences lead to greater and some to lesser chances to reproduce- effectively reducing the chance of creating more life - the primary function of any living (whatever the running definition of "living" may be) organism.
so it makes sense that in a world where humans are far from the ultimate predator there needs to be an "autopilot" that instinctively "knows" and can react to stimuli such as "rustling in the dark" = danger, because someone who would stop and consider all the possible causes of leaves rustling in the dark would get eaten by a bear were it actually a bear, whereas someone who bails the fuck out risks considerably less.
so we arrive at the instinctive reflex know as "fear of the unkown".
apply same logic for other dominant auto-pilot reactions to stimuli.
The ego then is nothing less than an automatic schema consisting primarily of instincts and instinct-inspired, passed-down-through-generations-and-then-imprinted auto-reactions of maximizing the potential of passing on your genetic material and spawning more life.
Laws or rules then, societal or individual are nothing more than condensed, verbalized, and institutionalized rules for survival. e.g. - anger is bad, because anger leads to violence, violence is bad, because is leads to murder, murder is bad because if there are individuals around who are prone to violence it might affect/kill me which in turn decreases my/the groups chances of procreating which in turn decreases the chance of creating more life/surviving. - SO, we arrive at the rule of "do no harm"
the EGO is in essence then a geographically (thus culturally as we know these are eerily similar according to geographical specifics) flavored amalgamation of basic survival instincts.
part 2 some other time cuz im fuccken tired.
8/12/14 09:18 am
“If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.”
8/12/14 09:13 am
“If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.”
8/12/14 09:11 am
“His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, 'You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.”
8/12/14 09:09 am
“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
"They're not the same at all!"
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"
MY POINT EXACTLY.”
8/6/14 07:58 am
“We do what we do, because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.”
8/6/14 07:44 am
“To the people who love you, you are beautiful already. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings but because they so clearly see your soul. Your shortcomings then dim by comparison. The people who care about you are willing to let you be imperfect and beautiful, too."
7/21/14 12:06 pm
The only difference between humans is of degree and not of kind
Problēma ka neviens pats nezin ko patiesībā vēlas no šīs dzīves
Attiecīgi, neviens nesaprot, ka VISI, reāli, grib exactly the same thing
Un ka vienīgais par ko visiem ir cepiens ir par to kā ir un kā nav OK to sasniegt.
Also i guess the illusory "life goals" tb money/power/love kas itkā piepilda, bet nē, jo its never enough is it bubby?
6/24/14 07:08 pm
“I had grown accustomed to living within myself. I was resigned to the knowledge that I had lost all appreciation of the outside world, that the loss of its bright colors was an inseparable part of the loss of my childhood, and that, in a certain sense, one had to pay for freedom and maturity of the soul with the renunciation of this cherished aura. But now, overjoyed, I saw that all this had only been buried or clouded over and that it was still possible—even if you had become liberated and had renounced your childhood happiness—to see the world shine and to savor the delicious thrill of the child’s vision.”
6/24/14 02:59 am
Some say attitude is key
I believe its gratitude
6/24/14 02:54 am
The paper the privilege & prestige
aim for these and youll forever miss
the pure bliss
6/24/14 02:48 am - i dont even know anymore
What I’m goann say, it aint cool,
Then again – ‘least its not pulling wool
Derive this from the expansion of the explosion,
realize the greatness of all creation,
Live in peace or die alone,
the choice to make is yours and yours alone
Future always provides a way to atone
reconcile
the tone
your soul makes;
its twenty twelve
About time to leave the game
Wouldn’t you say?
Every second
dependent upon your way
Different every day
un tapec ka kapec ne
Pray away the gay
Listen – the more things they say
Question – is this the way
2/3/14 06:26 am
“When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them.”
― Rumi