meerkakjprata nedienas

brain overflow

2/26/21 03:10 am - judas

You've started to believe
The things they say of you
You really do believe
This talk of God is true

And all the good you've done
Will soon be swept away
You've begun to matter more
Than the things you say

Listen Jesus
I don't like what I see
All I ask is that you listen to me
And remember
I've been your right hand man all along
You have set them all on fire
They think they've found the new Messiah
And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong

I remember when this whole thing began
No talk of God then, we called you a man
And believe me
My admiration for you hasn't died
But every word you say today
Gets twisted 'round some other way
And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied

10/27/20 11:45 pm - go ask alice

Reminder to self - If anyone ever doubts/tells me that synchronicity aint a thing - just punch em right in the fucking mouth.
Save myself some time.
and effort.

9/10/20 12:57 am

“If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

9/4/20 02:06 am

“The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

8/13/20 02:45 pm

8/6/20 12:51 am

“I cannot remember the books I've read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.”
― Emerson, Ralph Waldo

7/14/17 11:33 pm

Trying to give a fuck gives me anxiety.

Not giving a fuck gets me killed (one way or the other)

well SHIT, the path is P DAMN clear, now, that, you know, i type it the fuck out.

12/10/16 03:55 am

That feeling when you know everyone is god,
and you feel like a dickhead for telling them how to live,
but they still fuckin up

10/14/16 12:23 pm - Revelations 2:1

I used to RANT.
all of my posts or w/e writings were, essentially RANTS.
That was the one genuine commentary i could get out of me.
and it WORKED.

then, at some point, i lost it. became pussified. afraid. too pc? scared to stand out?
Tried writing informative pieces, or shit that covered every angle and all perspectives.
didnt work.
oh boy how it didnt work.
Because, fundamentally i am ANGRY. not scared. not accepting. not caring. not pc.
not primarily, anyway.
What i AM, though, is ANGRY as FUCK.

And even though intellectually i get the point etc, captivating writing or art of any kind can only come from the heart, i.e. genuine feelings.
un tempered and un tampered-with.

I am Jacks' burning rage at all the things that are wrong, all the small-mindedness, all the ways in which we as human and I, personally, are less than what we could be.
I am Jacks' loathing for all the wasted potential everywhere.
I am Jacks' hatred of being a part of the human race and of being complicit myself in all that i observe in others.

So here's to resurrecting a more genuine form of writing, communication and most importantly - to a more genuine self.

Cheers. Bitches.

8/23/16 12:40 am

Drīz sākšu rakstīt lietas kuras es zinu zinu.
mabbe babby

9/22/15 06:45 pm

"I am the most tired woman in the world. I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness. I know that I am dead. As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don't say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you."
— Anaïs Nin

8/9/15 01:28 am

factoring in the increase in intelligence/awareness, growth/learning could be optimized by returning to old dynamic action-based real-time learning vs adopted contemplative style?

8/8/15 09:53 pm

“I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

8/4/15 05:52 pm

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
you want to blow my book sales in
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
and we sleep together like
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do

7/5/15 03:50 am

“One must not always think so much about what one should do, but rather what one should be. Our works do not ennoble us; but we must ennoble our works.”
― Meister Eckhart

6/16/15 02:39 am

“Do you know what it feels like to be aware of every star, every blade of grass? Yes. You do. You call it 'opening your eyes again.' But you do it for a moment. We have done it for eternity. No sleep, no rest, just endless... endless experience, endless awareness. Of everything. All the time. How we envy you, envy you! Lucky humans, who can close your minds to the endless deeps of space! You have this thing you call... boredom? That is the rarest talent in the universe! We heard a song — it went 'Twinkle twinkle little star....' What power! What wondrous power! You can take a billion trillion tons of flaming matter, a furnace of unimaginable strength, and turn it into a little song for children! You build little worlds, little stories, little shells around your minds, and that keeps infinity at bay and allows you to wake up in the morning without screaming!”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

2/2/15 09:42 pm

how the fuck can you have survivors syndrome without doing and/or surviving a goddamn thing?

2/2/15 09:17 pm

“Where do I get my ideas from? You might as well have asked that of Beethoven. He was goofing around in Germany like everybody else, and all of a sudden this stuff came gushing out of him. It was music. I was goofing around like everybody else in Indiana, and all of a sudden stuff came gushing out. It was disgust with civilization.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

1/24/15 10:49 am

Nesen/ik pa laikam atceros ka man bija kautkāda X angļu valodas mācību programma uz 5-6 diskiem kad es biju mazinjsh. Tur bija arī izrunas fīčas. jauns vārds - nospied pogu un dzirdi kā izrunā, nospied pogu un pasaki pats un tad var redzēt uz cik procentiem ir pareizi. rādīja arī (no idea how to call this properly) skaņas līkni? nu tb svārstības etc? varēja skatīties kā/cik labi arī tās pārklājās etc.
sēdēju kā maziņš autists 7-9 gados un visiem vārdiem kačāju izrunu uz vismaz 90%. ha.
retrospektā pieņemu ka tas man DAUDZ deva ilgtermiņā. smagas aizdomas ka to ka ieraugot vārdu es zinu kā viņu izrunāt (neskaitot tos kam ir franchu vai kkada izcelsme, fuck that shit) man tas toch ir devis.
biju gandrīz gatavs lekt vilcienā un maukt uz jelgavu meklēt to figņu pirms atcerējos ka tur tagad īrnieks dzīvo :(

also wtf ir tas ka es kautkādu mazu randomu dēļ esmu gatvs insane čakarēties bet ne kautkādu "nopietnu" lietu dēļ. what up with that huh?

10/24/14 01:35 am - this is me

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