koi's Journal

ugh
l'oiseau

these last few days i have been putting a lot of my time into research for uni (writing e-mails, reading important info etc.), and it feels good, i feel more prepared with each day. the downside is that i absolutely cannot sleep at night. yesterday i went to bed at 1 am (i stopped my research then), and i think i fell asleep at around 3 am. i just keep thinking about uni, what it will be like, imagining scenarios and stuff like that, and i cannot stop. this was not such an issue just a week ago. i am just so tired. at least i am being productive, which is very good. picked up a philosophy book today which i had started reading in 2017 but never finished, hopefully i will get to the end this time. my palms are not as sweaty anymore (i have anxiety, which makes my palms, feet and armpits drenched in sweat way too often), and i think it is because i am actually preparing for uni instead of putting everything off like i usually do. the uni's online course that i had to complete was really helpful and it made me feel a bit less anxious about moving. i had a small breakdown today because i realized just how much everything will cost there, but then i found out that i am eligible for a 1,100 pound bursary, which would help me a lot, and also i will try to find a part-time job, so things are looking a bit better now. i just cannot stop thinking about uni and welcome week, new friends, accommodation, frisbee, lectures etc. wish i could turn my brain off. at least food should not be that big of a problem because i will have two tesco's near my uni, and tesco has those "everyday value" items, which are ridiculously cheap. think i will try to sleep now. if anyone reads this, please listen to kasabian's "48:13" album (deluxe preferably). i knew this album before, but previously i just listened to like 3 songs from it. treat is definitely the best one, but i really enjoy stevie, doomsday, bumblebeee and eez-eh too. truly a masterpiece of an album. alright, adios

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: treat by kasabian