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Feb. 13th, 2010|06:06 pm |
Einstein said, "God doesn't play dice with the universe." It's true -- he's too smart and knows the house odds are just too high. He mostly sticks with Blackjack and Baccarat.
People laugh when I tell them that I think the hedgehog is the most beautiful creature in the entire world. But what they don't realize is that I'm talking about a hedgehog with blue eyes, long blonde hair and a nice little body.
The Top Marketing Slogans for Marital Aids
- Bet you can't climax just once.
- It's Hammer Time, but you *can* touch this!
- Just like ol' Ben Wa used to make 'em!
- Leaves thirty percent less welts with the same amount of sado-masoistic pleasure!
- One drop, mixed with seminal fluid, and you'll be saying, "WOW! Is that Godiva?!"
- So stimulating, even the economy will benefit.
- Special antiseptic lube kills 99% of those nasty ass-to-mouth germs.
- All of the pleasure, none of the wet spots.
- The GSS-GPS (G-Spot Seeking GPS) just for him.
- An exact replica of a woman's mouth -- without those annoying vocal chords.
- Guaranteed fit -- choose from Virgin, Experienced or Duggar.
- Feels so real you'll check for hooves!
- So small, it feels just like your husband.
- The vaginiest available without a permit.
- So much like a real woman, your husband will never notice the difference.
The Top Bad Ideas for Valentine's Day Gifts
- "Certificate of sponsorship" for a dozen roses you refused to cut from old-growth rosebushes
- Transcript of your last seven arguments with her, clearly outlining her logical fallacies
- A Snuggie you knitted from your own armpit hair
- The Shitman Sampler: Scatologically correct chocolates
- Un-friending your mistress for the day on Facebook
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