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Feb. 11th, 2010|09:08 am |
Women can be so damned picky. How was I supposed to know the chocolate hearts she wanted for Valentine's Day were 100% chocolate and not just chocolate-filled *actual* hearts?
The good thing about my alter ego, Underachiever Man, is that I don't have to change clothes when I use my super powers.
The Top Signs a Doctor Is Out of Control
- Before he takes out your IV tube, he asks, "Are you going to be finishing that?"
- Keeps putting you in one paper gown after another, just so she can dramatically rip them off.
- "Doctor Throckmorton Just removed the kidney and needs suction
1 minute ago - Comment - Like - Become a Fan"
- Asks to be paid up front in pig teeth and water balloons.
- Unzips trou while declaring, "And now for a second opinion, here's Dr. Happy."
- His office intercom plays a bow-chicka-bow-wow soundtrack during your artificial insemination procedure.
- He uses the old "yawn and stretch" maneuver to perform your breast exam.
- You come to after your hysterectomy to find your uterus being used as a hand puppet.
- The only medical plan he accepts is called "Jackass 3D."
- After every rectal exam, she says "Now you do me."
The Top Signs Your Co-Worker Is Cupid
- You've been shot in the back with an arrow and there is no pink slip attached.
- His BMI is absolutely cherubic.
- If you are a single guy, *every* married woman at work is cupid. Beware!
- Seems to have an endless supply of those candy hearts as his desk year-round.
- Only person in your department wearing size 40 Huggies.
- No shirt, wearing a diaper, hair is a mess. It's cupid or the boss is off the wagon again.
- After he troubleshoots your computer, every website is redirected to match.com.
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