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Jan. 26th, 2010|08:16 am |
Some guys just don't know when to quit. Personally, I've found that Thursdays work best for me. That way you can just pick up your last check on Friday and have a three-day weekend.
Playing tricks on little children who don't know any better is one of the lowest forms of humor, so it's a good place to start if you're rusty and need practice.
The Top Signs You're Taking a Work of Fiction WAY Too Seriously
- Your bookie calls to tell that, once again, Ravenclaw didn't cover the Quidditch point spread.
- Yes, you adored the scene in "Gone With the Wind" where Scarlett O'Hara made a dress out of her home's window curtains. But YOU did it at the office. With the mini-blinds. Dave.
- "Sorry, pal, but 'no shirt, no shoes, no service" even applies to Hobbits."
- You've carved a lightning bolt into your forehead and renamed your imaginary girlfriend Ginny, and today you blasted Brad the football star with the Tineus Cruris cruse.
- You've been turning tricks for months, but still no sign of Richard Gere.
The Top Signs You Might Be an Avatard
- When your mom threatens to take away your Wii, you throw yourself in front of it while hissing at her.
- "Those aren't zits; they're my 'bioluminescent markings!'"
- After the 13-day, full-body tat session, it's either that or understudy for Blue Man Group.
- Old ladies with blue hair suddenly turn you on.
- Sorry, but that medieval torture rack in your basement will not stretch you to be nine feet tall.
- Removed the extra finger on each hand so no one could accuse you of being one of them "sky people."
- Accidentally shot Larry in Accounting with an arrow.
- Your collection of Titanic posters is carelessly stacked on top of your old Terminator posters.
- You have the Village People on your iPod because of their song, "In the Na'vi."
The Top Signs the Cows Are Onto Us
- Hamburger or cow pie? Not so easy to tell them apart, is it?
- Not one single human can communicate by moo-ing, so which language do THEY use? Mmm-hmmm. Awfully *convenient*, don't you think?
- They've kept really quiet, but notice how their eyes always follow you around the barnyard. If that doesn't creep you out, then you're just not paying attention.
- Yesterday you caught them watching Oprah.
- Dinner keeps slinking off the grill whenever you're not looking.
- Every time you drive past a pasture there's always *one* cow watching you.
- The double-agent goat told you. But can he be trusted?
- Bessie is just standing there, as if she's... waiting for something. Waiting... Waiting... Wai-- well, now she's peeing, but OK, NOW more of that waiting...
- The parabolic communications dish from the lunar-bovine launch capsule is missing.
- Can't milk 'em without dinner and a movie first.
- OK, that's the *third* time this month you've almost swallowed a tiny transmitter in your milk.
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