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Nov. 3rd, 2009|12:46 pm |
After I screwed up at my job, the boss guaranteed me that I would "never work in this town again." Ha! The joke's on him, because never working again has always been my ultimate goal!
I don't know why everyone is so concerned about this global worming issue. Still, I guess it's better to be safe than sorry, so I'll take the wife and kids to the vet.
You can tell reality TV has gone too far when you see TLC's promo for what promises to be the "most explosive episode yet of Intestinal Parasite Celebrity Challenge."
It didn't happen after the self-help group meetings, nor after four $100 sessions with a psychiatrist. No, it wasn't until last night when I stood there, chainsaw at my side, gazing down at the pool of blood where 50 dead bodies lay, still gripping the half-made balloon animals, that I knew I had finally conquered my fear of clowns.
The Top Things You'll NEVER See on the Internet
- "Dear Users: We are all shutting down now. Everyone go back to Usenet and start over. Sincerely, Facebook, LiveJournal, Twitter, YouTube and MySpace."
- Intelligent discussion resulting in someone admitting the other was correct in their political discussion and affiliation.
- Nigerian Oil Minister's widow arrives in Cleveland to give e-mail helper $6 million dollars.
- Picard and Kirk fans unite with Darth Vader and Darth Maul fans, sign armistice to end 20-year flame war.
- Ye Amish Brethren Corvette Owners Web site.
- The Steve Ballmer sex video.
- Credits: Paris Hilton, Lead Programmer.
The Top Updated Answers to "Where Do Babies Come From?"
- "Mommy texted 'O' to Daddy and he texted back 'O~~~' and nine months later you appeared on the cell phone bill."
- "Just a minute, I'll show you. HONEY, CAN YOU COME IN HERE A MINUTE?"
- "Every once in a while there's a stem cell that isn't needed for anything else."
- "When two people love each other very much, one slides his foot underneath the partition of the bathroom stall and a short time later the policeman delivers him a present."
- "Well-trained dingoes."
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