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Oct. 1st, 2009|10:57 am |
Sure, they tell you that inside every fat person is a thin person trying to get out. What they don't tell you is that every time he *does* get out, the fat person eats him again.
Mike Ranston
I'm using Super 77 spray adhesive on a project. The instructions say "bond while aggressively tacky." So here I am, hitting on chicks in a bar while spouting Filthy Ruminations, hoping those folks at 3M know what the hell they're talking about.
Ted Minamow
If you're planning a wedding, always remember to provide a guest book for everyone to sign. Not only will it be a treasured memento of your special day, it will provide an alibi for all your guests in case someone who didn't bother to attend should somehow get whacked.
Bob Van Voris
I've been a teacher for many years, and some of my non-teacher friends used to say I see the world through rose-colored glasses. I correct them and tell them that I see it through a rose-colored rifle scope. Now they don't seem to bug me about it anymore.
Paula Welsh
Today is the 48th birthday of the Defense Intelligence Agency and the 13th birthday of the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency. Both organizations are at the crossroads of the military and the Intelligence Community, but with very different missions. Yet they can certainly have cake and ice cream together.
The Top Things Overheard at the DIA and NGA Birthday Party
- "We know where you live, what you did last summer, and whether your garage door is open." (NGA)
- "We don't deal with bullets, we deal with bullet points." (DIA)
- "We have the option of providing reverse directions to get us out of Iraq." (NGA)
- "Hillary demands we keep an eye on Bill whenever he's in country." (DIA)
- "We could have led Moses out of the desert in less than a week." (NGA)
- "We knew Bourne's identity all along, but nobody asked." (DIA)
- "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's there except a bear pooping in the woods, we can see it." (NGA)
- "Our Defense Attache System is like the Franklin Covey Day Planner System, only more expensive." (DIA)
- "Nobody knows who I really work for, even if I tell them." (BOTH)
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