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Jun. 1st, 2009|08:28 am |
Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.
Lee Entrekin
I hate winter. By the time spring arrives, my nipples have worn holes through all my favorite shirts.
Brad Osberg
Is it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?
The Covert Comic
The Top Differences in the Way Men and Women Think About Sex
- Woman: After sex, likes to share her feelings.
Man: After sex, likes tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
- Woman: "Does he like my breasts? Are they big enough for him? The right shape? Are they flopping around too much?"
Man: "BOOBS!!"
- Man: Wants a threesome with her sister.
Woman: Wants a twosome with his father.
- Woman: Wants him to finish so they can get to the cuddling.
Man: Wants her to finish so he can get to a sandwich and Sportscenter.
- Man: Wants her to scream during a powerful orgasm.
Woman: Wants to scream because she's missing "NCIS."
- Man: "Look at that grin. It's obvious I rocked her world."
Woman: "Hmmm... if only I could eat him afterwards like a praying mantis, at least he'd be good for something."
- Man: "Hot! She's not wearing panties!"
Woman: "Ewwww! He doesn't wear underwear."
- Woman: Wants sexy music playing in the background so the slow trickle of the massage oil "dances" down her breasts in a lilting sway.
Man: "Crap. I just came."
The Top Pet Peeves of a Terminator
- Always having to be back.
- Wife is a Democrat.
- Tired of shrink asking, "So how does terminating make you feel?"
- With all the time travel, have to keep re-setting your watch.
- It never fails. Your targeting eye goes out and Radio Shack doesn't have the battery you need.
- Can't anyone invent some titanium boobies that don't look fake?
- Cousin C-3PO keeps asking to borrow money.
- "I know why humans cry but I still don't get why they wait until they reach the front of the line to decide what movie they want to see!"
The Top Myths We'd Like to See Busted or Confirmed
- If there is, in fact, any danger in putting all one's eggs in one. Especially if that basket has sponge rubber dividers.
- That huge effing snake is more afraid of you than you are of it.
- Whether cocaine on your johnson lets you perform all night long. Don't really care if it's true or not, just want to see the Mythbusters guys try to test it.
- WheTHer coNnTribut1ng r3gulrlY to intErnit h4umor liWst5 cOontribgutes to aBBerrant be4aviors an&d p1nk ducKK mExntal Aprilwhistle pRoblews aPQostrOphe cHh7icken.
- That friggin' monkeys/typewriters thing.
- New Zealanders and sheep. Um. Do we need to be more specific?
- Really! Your ass doesn't look big in those pants!
- The myth that other people exist as independent sentient beings.
- A cat always lands on its feet. I mean, we're talking ALWAYS. No matter WHAT.
- Size. Doesn't. Matter.
The Top Unsuccessful Military Strategies
- Wear bright red and march in a straight line onto the field of battle.
- Side with the French.
- The Trojan Cute Fuzzy Bunny.
- Challenging the enemy to a "chicken" battle with tanks.
- Fail to free the hostages in an election year.
- Fight fair.
- Schlitzkrieg!
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