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May. 12th, 2009|08:07 am |
There are so many things we can learn from animals. But there are many more things animals can learn from us, like how to smoke a cigar and how to recognize when an enemy is really dead and not just pretending to be dead.
Bob Van Voris
I like nothing better than the rush of defiance I feel from feeding my dollar into the break room soda machine the wrong way and watching the machine meekly accept it! I am *such* a rebel!
Clynch Varnadore
The Top Signs You Confused Mommy's Day with Mummy's Day
- Mommy requested a wrap for brunch and you gave her 30 yards of gauze.
- You donate all her jewelry to a museum.
- You forget to call, and end up getting cursed.
- Bring her armloads of fresh flowers, herbs and spices? Much joy! Tried to cram them into her every orifice? Not so much joy.
- Either way, you end up in denial.
- Despite her preference for classical, you loaded her new iPod with "Walk Like An Egyptian", some Grateful Dead, and a whole- lot of rap.
- Brendan Fraser didn't reply to your party invitation, but at least Lara and Indy showed up.
- You gave her a pack of Camels.
- For breakfast in bed, you open her door with dynamite.
The Top Surprises in the New "Star Trek"
- Because of continuing fallout from the soaring national debt, the bold 5-year mission was reduced to a single weekend in Tijuana.
- "It's worse than that; it's Swine Flu, Jim!"
- Enterprise warranty voided when General Starships files for Chapter 11.
- The curse begins when Lionel J. Redshirt naively volunteers, thinking the "landing party" is going to feature wine and finger foods.
- Adorable little Tribbles have been replaced by the Satanic Spawn of the Evil Octomom.
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