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Apr. 24th, 2009|11:03 am |
In 1612, two of the greatest samurai masters who ever lived met in a duel that only lasted six seconds. My wife, however, says she doesn't care and that we still need to work on our sex life.
Michael Cunningham
If there's one thing that shouldn't be sold in family-size packs, it's condoms.
Kim Moser
Some people have their minds in the gutter. I myself have a condo there.
Tidewater Joe
I was stunned last night when my wife accused me of being self-absorbed. When the hell did I get a *wife*?!?
The Covert Comic
The Top Worst Ways to Celebrate Earth Day
- Launch your fast-food chain, "Kentucky Fried Condor."
- Rinse a few hippies off the grill of your Hummer.
- Enjoy a heaping helping of whooping crane, baby seal and panda gumbo -- in a brand-new ivory bowl.
- Open a new night spot called Club Baby Seals.
- Get polluted.
The Top Signs That DVD Is a Bootleg
- The movie isn't due in the theaters for six weeks.
- "The Fast and the Furious" turns out to be a video of a guy pleasuring himself.
- Instead of plastic wrap, the movie is sealed with police tape.
- The FBI warning at the beginning has been replaced with "This Space For Rent."
- Sure, it's an action pic about reproductive science run amok, but "George Cloney"?
- "Made in China."
- On your 50" plasma, it's just like being at the movies, because the back of some guy's head is at the bottom of the screen.
- Halfway through the car chase there's a ten-second clip from somebody's Junior Prom.
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