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Mar. 24th, 2009|09:30 am |
The Top Rejected Bond Girl Names
- Puritanica Homebody
- Ima Dublon-Tandre
- Pussy desCharge
- Lizzie Nomenforme
- Tranny Surpriseya
The Top Differences If the Vatican Ruled the Internet
- Porn would be illegal, but violators would only be required to quietly switch to a different ISP.
- Bill Gates would no longer be infallible.
- Finally, instant access to their vast supply of antique porn.
- Al Gore wouldn't have "invented" the Internet, he would have "created" it.
- Database cardinality would have a whole different meaning.
- Spam would read, "Accretum Penis Immensum."
- Out: PayPal. In: PaPal
- To remove viruses from your computer you'd need a young geek and an old geek.
vIE Paladins would embark on four epic crusades from Redmond to Silicon Valley and still fail to drive out the unwashed Firefox and Safari hordes.
- The .us domain extension would be reserved for sites like domin.us, de.us, and corp.us.
- Sales would soar for statues of Berners-Lee, the patron saint of broken links.
- We would all believe that the Internet simply came into existence at the hand of divine intervention.
- All the bookmark icons would be, you know, *icons*.
- You'd automatically receive absolution updates for new sins.
- Completed web searches would be announced by puffs of white smoke from your CPU.
- Instead of crashing, Internet Explorer would have stigmata.
The Top Signs a Bowling Alley Is Haunted
- Hard to throw a spare when the pins keep levitating out of the way.
- The smell of desperation, panic and fear fill the air, but without the the cheap cologne like at closing time on Singles Night.
- Holes in the bowling ball come pre-filled with fingers.
- The ball return waits until you peer agitatedly down its chute, then fires your 12-pounder into your crotch.
- Your grilled cheese sandwich is crawling off of the plate! Oh, wait, that's just the cockroaches.
- The shoe rental clerk looks like Boris Karloff, yet her name is Marge.
- All the fluorescent half-size shoes are doing a well-choreographed tap dance on the return counter.
- You've never heard of a 6-6-6 split before.
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