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Mar. 16th, 2009|08:47 am |
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The Top Signs You're About to Be Fired
- The guy who steals your lunch from the fridge now eats it in front of you.
- All your superiors are wearing Kevlar vests.
- Your boss holds out his hands and asks you to guess which one has a pink slip in it.
- Your masturbation privileges are canceled -- in writing.
- The day's work assignment: Train the new robot.
- You ask your secretary to take a letter, and she says, "I'll see you in hell first, dirtbag."
- All the fish on your screen saver are at the top, floating upside down.
- Staff meeting, Monday 8:15 a.m.
Agenda Item #1: Sh*tcan Scott's worthless ass.
- A fidgety custodian is standing next to your parking place with a can of white paint.
- Well, once you've embezzled $50 million in company assets, filed false reports with the SEC and single-handedly destroyed all of your employees' 401(k) plans -- hell, you've got only two or three years left, tops.
- You dream that you come into work wearing nothing but a pink slip.
- Co-workers run from you screaming, "Unclean! Unclean!"
- There's someone sitting on your lap, doing all your work.
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