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Mar. 13th, 2009|11:46 am |
The Top Signs You've Purchased the Wrong Robot Maid
- Vacuums the dog and feeds the rug, then uses the cat to dust the table.
- "Get your own damn beer -- 'BattleBots' is on!"
- After a full day with the vacuum, she's got a big smile on her face, but there's still dust everywhere.
- Sprays Lysol in your eyes, then runs off with your microwave.
- Thanks to its faulty parameters for "carpet," you're still finding it hard to walk.
- Every time you say, "I could really go for a cold one," she coyly bats her photoreceptors and points to herself.
- Uses sandpaper on your mother-in-law's spider veins.
- Does nothing all day but swill motor oil and watch "The Jetsons."
- Accidentally superseding Asimov's Fundamental Rules of Robotics with Martha Stewart's Rules of Good Housekeeping, it shoots you in the head before you can track mud into the house.
- "Maidbot, scrub the toilet." "F**k you, osshol."
- It just wants to use its gorgeous, cybernetic body to satisfy your every sexual desire over, and over, and over again. Dammit, robot maid, my floor isn't just going to mop *itself*, y'know!
- You can't get her to do anything while "The Young and the Rustless" is on.
- She can never remember whether she's supposed to clean the bathroom tile or exterminate all biological life-forms.
- She looks like Julia Child and cooks like Pamela Anderson.
- Yesterday: Told her to wax the cabinet.
Today: Grim news out of Washington.
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