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Feb. 18th, 2009|11:47 am |
I've got a great new idea for a talent-contest/reality TV show. It's going to be called "America's Got Nothing Better To Do!"
Lee Entrekin
Man, thin-skinned people don't like being called "thin-skinned," no matter how nicely you say it.
Wiley
The Top Witty Things to Say to Your Doctor During a Pelvic or Prostate Exam
- "Take it easy, Doc -- you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
- "Hey, my chi is unblocking!"
- "Can you hear me NOW?"
- "Oh, boy! That was sphincteriffic!"
- "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head| is not, in fact, up there?"
- "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
- "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
- "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."
- "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
- "I love the smell of latex and K-Y in the morning. It smells like... victory!"
- "Ever gut a squid?"
- "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
- "Does this gown make my cervix look fat?"
- "Go slow, Doc -- I wanna learn how to do this for my friends."
- "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
- "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
- "Say, Doc, how's about this time *I* get on top?"
- "Sometimes, when you touch, the honesty's too much, and I have to close my eyes and pee."
- "Get a camera! We can tell Ripley's Believe It or Not that we're the most unusual Siamese twins EVER!"
The Top 7 Scientist Dozens
- Your doctoral adviser was so old, Nobel handed him his medal personally.
- Your mother's heart is so cold, she's cut global warming by a third.
- Your dad has such bad intestinal gas, he has his own pie-chart in "An Inconvenient Truth."
- Your father is so skinny, you can visualize all 206 bones in his skeletal system, including those of the inner ear.
- Your mama is so fat, she clogs a black hole's event horizon.
- Your momma is so ugly, Dian Fossey accidentally studied her for a whole year.
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