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Feb. 16th, 2009|08:01 am |
I named my cat "Thwap," because that's the noise he makes when he slides head-first into the fridge.
Jason Boone
The Top Yet-To-Be-Discovered Corporate Scandals
- Playboy Enterprises: Forced to restate playmate measurements for 100 of the last 150 issues.
- PETA: Their director has a sofa in her office that's made entirely out of compressed veal.
- McDonald's: Ronald and Grimace use stock options to pay hookers who'll do it "clown style."
- eBay: Hey! This stuff is all crap!
- Acme, Inc: Lawsuit by Wile E. Coyote alleges company repeatedly faked UL and other key safety evaluations.
- Taco Bell: Released phony reports of a mysterious eighth ingredient being developed.
- Apple: Allegations of in-cider trading.
- Cisco Systems: Succeeded by systemically sabotaging their lesser-known holding, Pancho Systems.
- Pfizer: Artificially inflated Viagra profits by retooling and reactivating long-decrepit, unproductive units.
The Top Best Titles for a "Chick Flick"
- Four Weddings and Another Wedding
- Shoes: The Musical
- The Godiva Chocolate Story (free samples with admission)
- Brad Pitt Does Dallas
- Hugh Jackman Does Housework with His Shirt Off, Reading Poetry
- The Traveling Jeans That Never Made Your Butt Look Big
- The Guy Who Went Into a Relationship a Shallow, Guarded Neanderthal and Came Out a Sensitive, Communicative Sharer
- Men Suck, Until the End
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