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Feb. 10th, 2009|01:24 pm |
The Top Embarrassing Trial Moments
- Raising an objection to the recess for lunch.
- Asking the judge for permission to treat the witness as a sloppy-seconds rental car.
- Seeing your first ex-wife assigned as the judge for your second divorce trial.
- Overconfident bailiff thought he could administer the oath to the witness from memory.
- Turns out the juror you bribed was only an alternate.
- You know this isn't the dream where you're arguing before the Supreme Court without clothes, because in those you're at least wearing underwear.
February 14th is Valentine's Day, a day when geeks profess their love for their computers. Oh, and their imaginary girlfriends, too.
The Top Ways to Woo the Internet
- Why bother? It's had its tubes tied.
- With the prevalence of wi-fi, you can take it to a nice dinner almost anywhere.
- Forget it buddy, she knows your search history.
- Make it jealous by setting up a little home network.
- No matter how much of a compliment it really is, when talking about bandwidth, *never* use the word "wide."
- Flowers delivered via FTP Florists.
- You know all those "enhancement" spams you've been getting? You're not real good at taking a clue, are you?
- Just once, do you think you could try *uploading* a love song for a change?
The Top 7 Scientist Dozens
- Yo mama so fat and stupid, she thought Darwin said survival of the fattest and meant her.
- Your maternal parent is so obese, she was mistaken for a new species of whale, Balaenoptera yomamacus.
- Your momma's mouth is so big, they have to use the Chandra X-Ray Telescope for her bite-wings.
- Yo mama so lazy, Newton's first law states that a body at rest tends to remain at rest and a body in motion ain't yo mama.
- You're so near-sighted, you don't need a microscope to study bacteriophage.
- Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know either your papa's velocity or position.
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