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Jan. 27th, 2009|08:10 am |
As a male nearing middle-age, I'm beginning to feel my biological clock ticking. I need to buy an expensive convertible, start cruising around wearing sunglasses and a muscle shirt, and get fat and bald before it's too late.
The Covert Comic
While more strippers and more beer are undoubtedly a good thing, I've found it's much easier to convince your boss that you deserve a raise if you just leave that part out.
Davejames
I would never want to be the king of the monkey world because I'd have to sit around naked all day, eating bananas and flinging poo at my subjects. Sure, it sounds like a dream come true, but the problem is that I'm allergic to bananas.
Donald Junter
The Top Things You Should Never, Ever Say to Your Boss, part I
- "You know the company's policy against accessing certain types of websites? Well, I've been checking the logs on your network account..."
- "Welcome back, sir! Lucky for us I had all that practice forging your signature *before* you went to jail, huh?"
- "What do you expect? I'm always cranky when someone interrupts my nap!"
- "Now that I've trained that new kid to do all my work, I was wondering if I could start leaving early on Fridays?"
- "Do I *want* to get you some coffee? Yeah, about as much as I *want* to run my fingers through your comb-over."
- "Shhhhh! 'SpongeBob SquarePants' is on, you moron!"
- "Oh, man, no way did I think you'd be able to taste that stuff in your coffee! Now I owe the guys in shipping 20 bucks."
- "I sent your wife a copy of your itinerary so that she'll know where she can reach you and your niece this weekend."
- "It's almost noon -- what say we crack open a couple of brewskis?"
- "Okay, see if you can put these words in order: My, Crank, Assmunch, You, Bite."
- "Look at the bright side: every minute I'm late is another minute I'm not stealing office supplies."
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