|
Nov. 19th, 2008|05:19 pm |
When shopping for an eyeball-scanning security system, I accidentally ordered a "rectal scanner." Luckily, it keeps out the strangers just as well.
John Gephart IV
I heard Jerry Falwell condemn "Godless atheism" recently. I hope there aren't too many other kinds of atheism out there I'm not aware of. In fact, I'd like to avoid "beerless atheism" if at all possible.
Joseph Moore
The Top Things Overheard at ModCon
- "Since I put this key ring through my scrotum, I haven't locked my keys in the car once."
- "The crowd would be bigger, but they're having trouble getting through the metal detectors."
- "I'd love to, but I can't even pee for seven to ten days."
- "Yeah, I suppose he *is* one of us, but Michael Jackson still gives me the creeps."
- "Get a load of the rack on her. And those coffee mugs hanging from it are exquisite."
- "...and thus, with a few hours and a good needle, my 'permanent pants' were born."
- "Ow! Papercut!!"
- "I cried when I had no shoes. Then I saw a man who had no feet, and I said, 'Hmmm...'"
- "Second-degree burns over 60% of his body? The lucky bastard's a shoo-in for Best of Show."
- "I've got just the right piercings in just the right places so that when I run, I play the theme from 'Chariots of Fire'."
- "Could you look? I don't think I have anything in my eye."
- "OK, if you look at this map of the convention floor, you'll the snack bar is right up here by my left nipple."
- "Why, yes, I am an organ donor. Need anything?"
- "Do I hear wind chimes, or are you just happy to see me?"
- "You were abused as a child? So was I!"
No TopFive.com |
|