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Nov. 14th, 2008|03:52 pm |
The Top Reasons You're the Least Popular Survivor on Your Desert Island
- Your Mr. T impression gets old after the first five minutes.
- The women aren't buying your repeated assertions that semen protects them against snakebites.
- You're always asking your island mates, "Does this palm frond make my ass look big?"
- You use your gourmet cooking skills to make dog food stuffed rat, garnished with maggots -- and nobody likes a show-off.
- Somebody keeps hocking loogies in your grubworm casserole.
- The coconut shell bra has its place -- but that place is not on the body of a 6'4", 300-lb. programmer named Max.
- You chopped down the island's only citrus tree to make room for your putt-putt golf course.
- You insist on being called "Ginger" -- even though your name is Tim.
- Not only are you over the age limit dictated by viewer demographics, everyone is really getting annoyed at you for using your Swiss Army dentures to crack open coconuts, cut down trees, and gut fish.
- Your irritating catch phrase: "Well excuse ME, Robinson Crusoe."
- Your habit of overdoing it with the paprika is ruining the subtle taste of cooked rat.
- You invented a coconut phone -- only to spend hours placing telemarketing calls to the other survivors.
- Your "coconut cream pie" specialty is nothing more than whipped seagull poop.
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