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Oct. 30th, 2008|09:48 am |
Back in high school, I used to love to sneak my girlfriend into the old bomb shelter behind my parent's house and pretend that it was the end of the world and we were the only two people left. She loved it too -- until I had to eat her to save my food rations.
Kevin Freels
So how come the voice of experience never seems to speak up until after it's too late?
Dave Henry
The Top Signs a Candidate Desperately Wants Your Vote
- Not only appears naked in your shower with the words "Vote For Me!" painted on his chest every morning, he keeps hogging the water.
- A winking well-dressed Congressman drops off a note saying that your driving record has been "taken care of."
- "My, that's an attractive outfit you're wearing today, Mrs. Undecided Voter!"
- "I've got twin daughters, if you know what I mean."
- Campaign signs you see on your way to work: "Vote for me, Tod Linger!" Your name? Tod Linger.
- He French kisses the baby.
- "Okay, the laundry is done, your car has been detailed and the toilet is finally unclogged. Are you ready for your Swedish massage now?"
- Every stoplight, there he is with a squeegee.
- "Dude! I scored some killer weed... meet me Tuesday in the middle school gymnasium... Tuesday. Middle School. In the gym. Seriously. Dude? Dude?"
- This election year, that "giant sucking sound" is coming from under your desk.
- He delays your execution until November 8th.
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