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Oct. 14th, 2008|08:47 am |
The Top Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified
- Resolves to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
- Doesn't seem to understand that having been "held prisoner" in county lockup for two days for public urination does *not* make him a war hero.
- Supports NRA -- because "'Straight Outta Compton' was dope!"
- Outstanding record as governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.
- Still asks "The state or the DC thingie?" anytime somebody mentions Washington.
- At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"
- Attempts to use a lifeline on the very first question of the debate.
- Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.
- Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"
- At press conferences, only calls on "the hot chick in the red dress" and "the whiny Jew in the back."
The Top Advantages of Being Married to a Werewolf
- House guests rarely overstay their welcome and survive.
- You now know all dogs in your neighborhood by their names, breeds, and butt scents.
- Feel a little S&M might spice up the marriage? Just grab a rolled up newspaper!
- Lipstick is impossible to get out of fur, so you always know when he's been visiting that bitch at the tavern.
- Squirrels are never a problem in your yard. Squirrel carcasses, on the other hand...
- You can plausibly argue that your spouse's health insurance should be forced to cover vet visits.
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