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Aug. 21st, 2008|12:06 pm |
Not every man is not a pig. When I realized I was looking at the largest, most well-tanned breasts I've seen in years, modesty forced me to avert my eyes. Well, it was either modesty or the fact that they were man-boobs, but, hey, I should still get some credit here.
Dwight Burke
I may not actually be from Mars, but I'm pretty sure my ex-wife was from Venus. Look at the evidence: She had a volcanic personality, the atmosphere around her was corrosive, and when you were anywhere close to her, the pressure was enough to crush your soul.
Paul B.
I've been telling people about how this guy in the deli stopped me to tell me how beautiful I am. I guess I embellish the story a little, because maybe the word he used was "pretty." Okay, what he *actually* said was, "You're in my way." But you can see my point.
Monica Hammond
The Top Ogden N*A*S*H Poems
Boeing still hankers
To build those tankers.
Mussolini
(Old Benito)
Had his hang-ups;
Now finito.
A soldier in the motorpool
Helps Sarge with wrench and dipstick;
But don't ask, if he's out at night
In earrings wearing lipstick.
General Jackson
(Known as "Stonewall"):
Felled by friendly
Minie-ball.
Billy Mitchell's "Air power!"
Was definitely partial.
He had his pilots bomb a ship,
Which brought his famed court-martial.
Clean up insurgents
With 30mm detergents.
Camouflage (when done just right)
Is really very swell.
But if you're lost, it tends to make
Your way back home pure hell.
The B-2 bomber,
It's a stealth.
You can't ask;
We can't tellth.
George S. Patton:
Dressed so dapper,
Also known as
"Soldier-slapper."
MREs?
Mysteries.
Bravo! Gen. Tommy Franks,
You came to liberate Iraq.
Iraqis offer many thanks
For never *ever* coming back!
Hirohito
Met defeat-o.
At avoiding mines
In the shipping lines,
Admiral Farragut
Was more than adequut.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Had to leave his sunk PT.
Uncle Adolph
Blew his haid off.
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