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Aug. 14th, 2008|09:44 am |
Like my mom always used to say, "When the going gets tough, fake a migraine and guilt the old man into doing all the work." She was a very wise woman -- lazy, but wise.
Todd Loushine
The Top Restaurant Good Signs/Bad Signs
Good sign: The restaurant says they serve children.
Bad sign: They mean that literally.
Good sign: You see your waitress washing her hands after using the bathroom.
Bad sign: You are in the men's room.
Good sign: The restaurant constantly advertises their meat as the "freshest available."
Bad sign: The roadkill cleanup truck always seems to be out front.
Good sign: No sign of cockroaches in the kitchen.
Bad sign: They were all eaten by the rats.
Good sign: They have fois gras on the menu!
Bad sign: No, seriously, there's stinky goose liver smeared all over this thing!
Good sign: The restaurant's signature dish is Crepes Suzette flambe.
Bad sign: Suzette is the name of the owner's missing wife.
Good sign: Photos of "celebrities" all over the walls.
Bad sign: They're nothing but Top5 contributors.
Good sign: Considered the best Iranian restaurant in the area.
Bad sign: All the food is nuked.
Good sign: You see Bobby Flay at one table and Rachel Ray at another.
Bad sign: He's puking his guts out, and she's running for the bathroom holding her ass.
Good Sign: The Michelin Guide rates it as the best restaurant in Paris!
Bad sign: That's Paris, Texas.
Good sign: The delightful "salade de poulet" has raisins!
Bad sign: Them ain't raisins.
Good Sign: It's a brand new steak house.
Bad sign: Those "char marks" look suspiciously like the treads off a Goodyear.
Good sign: They take all major credit cards.
Bad sign: They don't give them back.
Good sign: A review of the restaurant has gone viral.
Bad sign: The review frequently uses the word "viral."
Good sign: There is a line clear out the door.
Bad sign: It leads to the bathroom.
Good sign: They offer Surf 'n Turf.
Bad sign: The waiter asks if you want one straw or two.
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