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Aug. 3rd, 2008|10:35 am |
The Top Reasons We're Whispering
- Don't want to draw attention to ourselves on Pants Optional Monday.
- If our girlfriend's father were to catch us in this closet, he'd be really mad. And our girlfriend wouldn't be thrilled about us and her mom, either.
- Still hoarse from the last time we filed up our SUV with gas.
- Because the president doesn't like to be woken up during cabinet meetings.
- We harbour dark secrets that we'd be mortified should anyone find out about. At least until our appearance on Springer.
- Scared we'll be expelled from Marceau Mime College.
- Love hearing the drill sergeant shout "I can't hear you!"
- We don't want our wives to know we went to a strip club. Especially one called The Manhole.
- Because we want to annoy every other person in the movie theater.
- Because we just aren't yet ready to go public with our "Men Who Love Kitties" club.
- Cutting the vocal track for our new rap single, "Hope I Ain't Dizzturbin' Ya Meditation."
- Don't want Mom and Dad to know we're under their bed.
- We're saving our breath for pushing the Hummer to work.
- Afraid we'll be waterboarded at Gitmo if we say these things any louder.
- My dinner guests would be absolutely livid if they ever found out I replaced their regular coffee with the strained ashes of my *previous* dinner guests.
- Pretty sure Pastor Fletcher and the rest of the congregation hold no interest in the results of your chlamydia tests.
- We're waiting for you turn your hearing aid all the way up so we can yell in your ear. Heh.
- Still hoarse from yelling "Iron my shirt!" at Hillary rallies.
- If we talked any louder, everyone would hear how much of an asshole we think you are.
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