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Jul. 4th, 2008|02:52 pm |
The old saying goes, "The truth will set you free." Unless, of course, the truth is that you really want someone to tie you up -- then you have a problem.
Paul B.
The Top Ways Modern-Day Americans Can Declare Their Independence From England
- Then: Dump crates of tea in Boston Harbor. Now: Throw empty Snapple bottles at Buckingham Palace.
- Have President Bush steal Benny Hill's move and repeatedly slap Dick Cheney on top of his bald head.
- "BURN, HOGWARTS, BURN!!!!"
- Get over our Amy Winehouse fixation and bring our attention back to the Spears family where it belongs.
- Change the official language of the United States to Mandarin-inflected Creole.
- Drink only American Tea, like Earl Grey!
- Elect not to buy a Rolls Royce and go with a Saturn instead.
- Produce our own investigation of Princess Di's death using Matchbox cars and Thunderbird.
- Deport Beckham, keep Posh.
- "Your Majesty? An orange-vested Dick Cheney is at the Palace door, insisting on personally delivering an urgent message."
- Forget Bin Laden; have the CIA dispose of Mr. Bean.
- Speak even worser English.
After being part of Paramount for over two years, Spielberg's Dreamworks movie studio may go independent again, thanks to a $500 million investment from an Indian entertainment conglomerate.
The Top Changes to an Indian-Funded Dreamworks
- Craft service now stocked by 7-Eleven.
- In order to get an "R" rating, you must show full-frontal kissing on the lips.
- Bollywood influence? "The Incredible Bulk", "Balloween", "Berminator 4"...
- Morgan Freeman returns for "Chandrashekar Almighty", with six arms and an elephant trunk.
- Next 25 movies in production star NYC cabbies.
- All couches replaced with beds of nails.
- "Transformers" sequel includes twenty-minute dance number during wedding scene.
- For some reason, all films now star Tim Curry.
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