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Jul. 3rd, 2008|03:18 pm |
I cried when my grandparents danced at my sister’s wedding. Seeing them made me realize they might live long enough to dance at mine.
The Covert Comic
When you're cuddled on the sofa with your wife, and she squeezes you tight and asks what you're thinking about, she'll likely not see the romance in, "Oh, just all the great things I'm gonna say at your funeral."
Brad Simanek
It's easy to understand why the "goatapult" never made it as a weapon of mass destruction -- cats are smaller and *so* much easier to carry into battle.
Kim Walker-Daniels
The Top Signs It's Your Residents' First Day
- Clothes are freshly washed, pressed; breath is minty-fresh; eyes bright, not rimmed with red; appears to have eaten in the last 24 hours.
- Looks like a doctor, but looks like she slept some time in the last week.
- All the sobbing and sniffling, pointing and giggling.
- Scrubs? Check. Stethoscope? Check. Vomits at the sound of vomiting? Check!
- They've still got a little bit of a soul clinging to them. Don't worry, we'll scrape it off.
- Betting is getting fierce on the patient Dead Pool.
- The entire practical joke book section at Barnes & Noble has been bought out by nurses.
- Firmly believes that tubing urine samples to the lab 35 times a shift is "real medicine."
- They keep asking the doctors questions about medical stuff. Eventually they'll learn to ask the nurses, but it takes a few weeks.
- Hospital morale improves thanks to the upswing in pick-ups of dry cleaning, pizza, freshly shampooed pets, and beer.
The Top Things Found in Bill Gates's Desk
- A frame holding the first $1 billion he made.
- iPhone, iBook, Airbook, iPod, etc.
- "Past Due" notices from Hell's Souls Receivable Department.
- A copy of "Home Haircuts for Dummies."
- $863,979.42 in loose change.
- Crumpled copy of Al Gore's patent on the Internet.
- God's cell phone number.
- Memo to Microsoft employees now allowing consumption of apples and Big Macs.
- His old cardboard "Will Compute for Food" sign.
- Steve Jobs' life force -- and damn if it didn't get out of the bottle again!
- The title deed to Liechtenstein.
- Unsent letter to girl who spurned him in 10th grade, written on back of bank statement.
- Severed limbs of the Microsoft product developer who wrote the original specifications for Windows Vista.
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