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Jul. 1st, 2008|10:43 am |
You say "toh-MAY-toh," I say "toh-MAH-toh." You say "soothing lotion for breastfeeding mothers," I say "boob lube." This is why you shouldn't let me write the shopping list.
Brad Simanek
I bet back in medieval times it was easy to tell who suffered from incontinence because of all the squeaking rusted armor.
Jerry L. Embry
If I ever blow up a building, I'm going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer. Won't that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!
Doug Finney
The Top Signs the Internet Was Made in America
- Each data packet has a union label.
- Just look at the lingo: virUS, moUSe, USer interface, etc.
- Outlook's most displayed error message: "Unable to locate that guy in that other country you wanted to e-mail."
- America played a key role in WWI, WWII, and now WWW.
- It's twice as expensive and half as good as the German version, "Das Internetten."
- Just like America, it's slow and bloated and full of porn, gambling and rude people.
The Top Happenings When You Shoot a Cloud with a Laser
- Increased UFO sightings as we flush out their hiding places.
- You thought Thor was a legend, right?
- Don't make clouds angry. You wouldn't like them when they're angry.
- The clouds get lasers, we get bigger lasers, they get even bigger lasers: a vicious cycle. Before you know it, someone's banging a shoe on a table at the UN.
- "Look! I see a ducky, and a horsie, and a rabbit, and the gates of hell spawning a thousand screaming demons."
- One of the angels that was bowling comes down and thanks you for helping pick up the 7-10 split.
California's Orange County Register newspaper has made the decision to outsource copy editing to India.
The Top Outsourced Newspaper Headlines From India
- Green Houses in Sky Making Temperatures Too Warm
- New York Mets Losing So Often, Manager Is Set on Fire
- The headline queue is full; there is an approximate 30-minute wait time until a new headline will be available.
- Midwest Sissies Petulantly Whine About Non-Annual Flooding
- Cleveland Punjabis Defeat San Diego Fathers 3-2 as Water Vessels Fight to the Death
- Studies Show Men Taking Viagra Have Longer, Firmer Lives
- Driver Loses Arm and Leg in Oil Amputation
- Famous Comedian Executed for Saying Forbidden Words on TV
- Clothings Experts Say What You Should Wear This Summer Is Much, Much Different From What You Wore Last Summer
- Bear Attacks Wall Street!
- Court Allows Married California Couples to Be Happy
- Strange Singer Amy Winehouse Is Sikh!
- Britney Spears Shows Hairless Kitten to Photographers
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