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Jun. 12th, 2008|08:08 am |
My doctor says that I'm not breathing right. This, after nearly 540,000 hours of practice.
Jerry L. Embry
There I was, naked, trembling with anticipation, hoping she would finally say the words I've waited a lifetime to hear. Unfortunately, "Step away from the vehicle with your hands up!" wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
Mike Lopez
The Top Dangers of Electric Cars
- Turning on the headlights drops the top speed to 15 MPH.
- Inflated sense of self-righteousness may cause air bags to randomly deploy.
- Jetsons' car: Cool sound effect. Your electric car: Sounds like Dad's 1958 Norelco.
- Go over 60 for even one minute and you have to pull over so the car can use its asthma inhaler.
- "Roadside assistance" involves a kite and waiting for a thunderstorm.
- Now your wife can apply makeup, talk on the phone AND blow dry her hair while toasting a bagel in rush hour traffic.
- Condom-less backseat sex leave you not only unprotected but also ungrounded.
- The electromagnetic pulse from any nearby nuclear detonation may cause stalling.
- It's a Molotov cocktail on wheels after you try filling it up on the way home from the bar.
- If you're hit by lightning, the car accelerates to the speed of light.
- Go over 60 mph, and Reddy Kilowatt shows up to kick your ass.
- Finding a dead battery in the morning because your wife left her vibrator plugged into the cigarette lighter all night.
- Can't drive it in the bath tub.
- Your old gas costs were nothing compared to what you're now spending on extension cords.
- Buying one gets you kicked out of the Republican Party.
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