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Jun. 6th, 2008|01:11 pm |
My son and I were debating whether "be-yotch" or "bitch" was the proper pronunciation these days when my wife said, "Get your asses up there and clean out that attic!" We decided that either pronunciation was acceptable.
Tidewater Joe
Tip on writing ballets: Add lots of dancin'.
Anthony Myers
Sure, mimes are funny -- but if some guy were ever *really* trapped inside a glass box on a crowded city street, and he had white and black make-up on his face, and he was wearing suspenders and a really stupid-looking cap, would it be so funny?
The Covert Comic
The Top Movies By Victoria's Secret
- Born On The Buy-2-Pairs-Of-Panties-Get-The-3rd-One-Free Fourth Of July Sale
- Full Metal Jockstrap (Hey, men can have sexy underthings, too!)
- Death And The Maidenform
- Sisterhood Of The Traveling Crotchless Panties
- The Devil Wears A Seamless, Lacy Demi-Cup Bra, Size 38-C
- King Thong
- In the Garter of Good and Evil
- Ghostbustiers
- American History DD
The Top Effects Of Changing Our Minds Like We Change Our Underpants
- As if it's possible, a *lot* more dirty thoughts.
- Due to the 4,792 coats of paint, your Prius weighs more than a Hummer.
- I'd have to change my mind every time I let my 16-year-old drive.
- Thongs give you a wicked headache.
- Ludicrous! You don't have the dresser drawer space available for a stack of neatly-folded opinions.
- All those fabulous ideas you had after a long night of drinking would wind up in the trash can in the bar bathroom after you laughed so hard that you accidentally crapped yourself.
- Our heads keep getting stuck in the leghole.
- You're not wearing your mind? Great! Your thoughts are free to jiggle and dangle.
- The funniest effect would be... no, hold it - it would really be... no, on second thought... wait, actually it would be... aww dammit - now you have to start a load of whites.
The Top Bizarre Moments in the "Sex and the City" Movie
- Samantha waits until *after* the opening credits to bang her first dude.
- The girls all join up to go fight in Iraq; Carrie changes the name of her column to Sects in Sadr City.
- The awkward moment where the rest of the girls walk in on Charlotte's private moment of wearing a T-shirt and dirty sweats, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and eating cold pizza on the couch while watching Arena Football and scratching herself.
- After the girls find the toilet seat up again, Charlotte announces she wants to be called Charles from now on.
- Chris Noth, apparently confusing his movie and TV roles, spends the whole movie investigating who stole Carrie's new shoes.
- For a moment, the movie sustained incredible tension when Miranda seemed like she was about to sneeze, but then the feeling passed.
- A jarringly loud alarm clock goes off every 20 minutes to wake up all the straight men in the audience.
- Animators at Disney/Pixar succeed in making Kim Cattrall's vagina look almost hospitable.
- Calls from interested guys are replaced by telemarketing offers from AARP.
- Yves Saint Laurent tells the girls he'll just die if they wear his clothes.
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